Honestly??!!

Hello friends,

The next two weeks we will be having random posts about different things that are important to us.  Whether they be personal lessons we are learning, things we are passionate about, things that excite us or whatever else that the Lord lays on our hearts.

I've been reading lots of posts lately that talk about being honest and personal with you, our readers.  I can understand where these bloggers are coming from, as I can relate to so many of them that open their hearts and let the world see that they are not perfect and I'm thankful that they shared with their readers.  However, I've always struggled with sharing personal things on posts and today was no different as I struggled to figure out what to share with all of you.   I try so hard to look the part of a perfectly content, patient, kind, loving, purposeful, thankful and you can add whatever else you want that fits what you think is the steryotype of a Stay-At-Home-Daughter.  I may be the only homeschooled person most of the people I see, may come into contact with and I want them to have a positive picture in their mind.  I want people to see Christ's reflection in me and desire it for themselves.  I want to live a life that is filled with purpose and have a relationship with my heavenly Father that is never shaken.  I want to wake up every morning with a smile in my heart that comes from thoughts that are focused on Him.  My problem is that only God is perfect and I fail every single day at being that "perfect person."

Today was one of those days that I woke up very depressed.  There was not a smile in my heart and it wasn't a morning that I was looking forward to having devotions with my heavenly Father.  The sun may have been shining outside, but there was a thunderstorm brewing in my soul.  I think we all have days like that, but it's not something that we want to share, because it is not supposed to happen!  Even though we all know in our hearts that no one is perfect, our flesh and Satan make us feel like we are the only ones this happens to and that if anyone knew what we were thinking or how we were feeling they would think we were failures and horrible people.

Even though I knew in my heart and I knew what the Bible said, I was struggling with thoughts about God's love for me.  I felt like He knew everything that was going to happen in my life and that my prayers didn't even matter.  That although He made me, He was not fulfilling His promise of being a personal God......I know, NOT TRUE!, but it was how I was feeling!!

To top if off, I had a post to write for all of you about something that was personal.....Have you tried to write something that is supposed to be heartfelt and "spiritual" and you know that your heart isn't right?  It just isn't possible.  So I put off writing all day and God quietly worked in my life throughout the day.

First off, I was able to have the rain shower those thunder clouds were holding in my soul, with my Mom and shed the tears and release the tension that was building up inside of me.  She pointed me to Him, but the thunderclouds still stayed despite their being fully emptied. However, the release of tension was the start of His plan in calming me down. 

As we worked on different projects throughout the day, my mind calmed down and I saw the different lies I was believing about myself and then the Lord led me to watch the video posted below.  It was posted by a fellow Pinterest/Blogger friend and was such an incredible blessing to me.  The title of the video is "Father's Love Letter" and is truly beautiful.   I'm sure it has different versions of the Bible used in it, but the message is still the same.

It used all those verses that reminded me of His love, care, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness.  His forgiveness, His example, His guidance, His personal plan for each of us, His working in our lives and His promises to us.  It was exactly what this imperfect, fearful sinner needed to hear.

Then guess what happened....I got on my blogger dashboard to see what the people I follow have been writing and "Journey in the South" had a post titled "Why Live?"......The titled intrigued me as it was exactly what I had been asking myself.

Here is an excerpt from the post:

"There are things I have to do.

Questions I have to answer.

People I need to see.

People who NEED me: my little sister, my Mom, the kids at RU.

There's a life I need to live and a purpose that still needs to be fulfilled.

There's an adventure waiting just around the bend.

There's a Bible waiting for me to open it and gain wisdom and knowledge.

There are people who need my prayers - need me to get out of bed and get on my knees.

There's a reason for everything, so there must be a reason I'm here, and I don't want to miss it.

There is God, who wants me to follow Him. Because no one has the same journey as me that He has mapped out Himself and made me for."

God gave me what I needed to bring my focus back on Him and I'm thankful that He did.  He gave me the courage to share this with you and I'm thankful He did :]  I'm not perfect, but God still loves me.  I'm not perfect and never will be on this earth, but He still treasures me and I can cling to His promises that never fail.  Will I still fail? Yes, every day.  Will He still be there to help me stand?  Yes, every day.

Photo Credit: icanthrugod.tumblr.com

I found a quote on Pinterest that I thought expressed my feelings exactly and it is what I want to close with.

"I can't brag about my love for God because I fail Him daily.  But I can brag about

 His love for me because it never fails." 

 Praise the Lord!