Femininity.
It wasn't
pushed on me as a child, but I have a cautionary tale about Christian
homeschool girls who did have this word rammed down their throats from an early
age. I’ll tell you the story of "Lucy," an amalgamation of 2 or 3
real girls.
Lucy was
something of a tomboy. As soon as she could toddle around, she was playing in
the dirt, fording streams, and mauling small animals. Her mother despaired. She
longed for her girl to be a perfect little lady, a good example to other
children. So she did what made sense to her: she shoved Lucy into pink dresses
with puffed sleeves.
Lucy hates
puffed sleeves. Ever tried to climb trees or chase cattle in a skirt? Not the
easiest thing in the world. Besides that, puffy dresses and lace weren't to
Lucy's personal taste (fashion ideas develop early, don't they?). But these
things were "feminine," and God wants little girls to be feminine,
right? So Lucy suffered in silence.
Now Lucy is in
her twenties, and what is the last thing in the world she wants to be? You
guessed it. Feminine. She's cut her hair short, bought some
black shirts, and has nothing but jeans in her closet. Nothing, that is, except
for one pink skirt. That's what she wears to church on Sundays.
Why does she
wear that skirt to church? It's a holdover from youth. She has the idea that
this is what you're supposed to do. It’s somehow "holier," and should
be worn at least once a week. She wears that skirt because her mother wants her
to. The church wants her to. Maybe God wants her to.
What is true
femininity? It has a lot to do with cultural norms, with what is traditionally considered appropriate
to women. The Biblical definition is 99% about character (as Devin pointed out,
you can be feminine as a duchess or a cowgirl), and almost nothing to do with
clothing. The Bible has very little to say about how women should dress (1
Timothy 2:9-10 is a rare and somewhat vague exception).
Some girls like Lucy are shamed
into flouncy clothes they dislike, others abandon femininity altogether as soon
as they grow up. Plenty of girls—many of you, I'm sure—have no problem with
pink and dresses (I certainly don't). There is nothing wrong about being feminine. God calls women to look, speak, and act like women, but I cringe at the word “femininity”
because of so many bad examples.
We wade in
dangerous waters when we put strict limits on what is and what is not feminine.
Here is the
warning I feel led to give: be
careful when you define what is "feminine" for another girl, especially
when it comes to clothing. It is so easy to injure someone else’s spirit with judgmental words. More than likely, someone who is already set
against femininity will run in the opposite direction and you’ll end up doing
more harm than good.
Are we called to a high
standard of holiness? Yes.
Is it sometimes hard to be feminine in a culture of gender equality? Yes.
Should we encourage other girls to act in a godly way? Yes.
Must we be careful about the extra-biblical rules and regulations that we put down concerning dress and attitude? I believe so.
Is it sometimes hard to be feminine in a culture of gender equality? Yes.
Should we encourage other girls to act in a godly way? Yes.
Must we be careful about the extra-biblical rules and regulations that we put down concerning dress and attitude? I believe so.
Have
you or someone you know had an experience similar to Lucy’s? What is your
working definition of femininity?
Thank you so much for this!
ReplyDeleteThat was a wonderful post Abby! How true. I know several "Lucy's" who left the church because they felt that being Godly and feminine was all about the pink clothing, tea parties or whatever else they labeled feminine and they ran from anything like that as soon as they could. It is so sad to see young women fall into this trap of lies that Satan has used to trip them up.
ReplyDeleteMay God fill each of us with His love, that it might spill over and touch others...with no "human expectations" holding on.
Again, great post!
Devin