On Beauty

   I struggle with the whole Beauty thing. Not only in the sense of not always feeling beautiful myself, but also in how I view others. I see people and I know in my head God says they are beautiful, but I struggle because I don't see it. I then feel bad because I feel like I am judging them or not seeing them how God sees them. Recently I realized that I don't see them how God sees them, but not because I can't convince myself they are beautiful, but because I don't understand beauty itself. Beauty is an invitation into partnership with God. Beauty isn't a pass/fail test, rather it is a process that is in itself a beautiful, beautiful thing.

   I was in the bathroom one day plucking my eyebrows prattling with God and wondering why He made us have unibrows, when they are so much work and we look so much better without them. Holy Spirit's response caught me completely off guard. I felt like He responded, "Because I want you to partner with Me. I gave you the ability to be beautiful, but I don't force it upon you. It takes work, it takes effort. It is a learning process. I am a gentleman, I won't force beauty upon you." In that moment and the meditations to follow, my views on beauty were radically transformed. Everything in life is a process where we learn and mature with God. Our character, our discipline, our maturity, even our beauty is a partnership with God. There is work and a process involved. We eat healthy, eat healthy amounts, exercise, work out, put together cute outfits that are flattering on us, pluck, shave our legs, do our hair (or at the least run a brush through it), and maybe do makeup. Just like every process some struggle at it more than others, but that is ok. It's beautiful in the process because the process and the partnership are beautiful.  

   It changed how I view people. I see people as beautiful more easily, because I see the invitation to partner with God in it. I find it easier to appreciate true beauty because I value the process, and I no longer view it as a pass/fail. There is power in my change of perspective because there is vision behind it. Instead of valuing beauty because of personal taste, I value it for the process and the intrinsic value behind it.

  I see people as on a journey, and I love them more because I can appreciate that they are in it just like me. Or maybe they haven't even begun that process with God because they don't have a relationship with Him or don't know that He speaks beauty over them. I can love them better because I know how to empower them.

   When we make beauty about a partnership with God, we unite our inner and outer beauty. So often we pit the two against each other. We push internal beauty so hard, but sometimes we down grade external beauty. Or we are all about the external beauty, we chase after what the world says is beautiful with everything in us, but we neglect the inner beauty of a life with Christ. Yes, our primary beauty should not come from outward adornment.* For me beauty should come from partnering with God.

   I am and always have been a "tomboy". I love jeans, hoodies and clothes that were meant for romping in the mud. Forget lace. And make up? That just ain't my thing. Proudly, I have never worn a pair of high heels in my life. I thought I had the beauty thing down. I didn't seek after it, and clearly didn't find my value in it. But I never invited God into my beauty. What was meant to be something I could enjoy relationship with God in, became something I swore off as a pretentious waste of time. But God had other ideas on beauty, and instead desired relationship in it.

   Now I can better love the girls that mis-use their beauty, because I understand that they are just cutting God out of the process. Although I once despised them in their heart for being frivolous and "not as holy" as I thought I was, now I've grown to love them. I understand that beauty outside of God never satisfies, but relationship with God in it's essence takes delight in making all things beautiful. Now I realize beauty is something to be celebrated. Not worshiped, but celebrated and give cause to praise and thank the Creator of that beauty.

   God sees what we were created to be, but He still loves us in the process of becoming that person.

   The prophetic nature of the beauty of woman is profound. Though I don't understand it all yet, I seek to. I desire to know God more and more in every area of life.

*1 Peter 3:3-4, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."   

Frustration as a Divine Invitation

      What if sometimes our frustrations with daily life situations, with the world and with brokenness, were actually part of God's divine strategy to force us out of complacency and into a place of yearning for His return and reign on earth? If we would respond to them rightly. 

      What if God out of His mercy allows us to experience frustration, pain and hardship because He's so jealous for us to walk in all the fullness He has for us, that He will at the cost of temporary pain expose brokenness and anything less than what He has for us for what it is? Not for the sake of causing us pain or discomfort, but for the sake of His mercy and desire for us to walk in fullness. What if feeling frustration in life was a sign of God speaking, and an invitation to respond to Him? What if the feeling of frustration was a divine invitation from God to experience more of Jesus in our daily lives and in our world? How would we respond differently?  

     Our emotions were created by God to give us the capacity to experience and connect to His heart. They are designed to challenge us to go deeper in God and to encounter Him in our daily lives. But I think all too often they get twisted and if we aren't careful they will end up distracting us from Him. 

      I think for me, when I feel frustrated it's tempting to view that frustration as a bad thing. As a negative because it means things aren't the way I think they should be. It's tempting for me to feel like I'm the victim, and I'm the one that's losing out. I often find myself stuck in cycles of self pity. Or I try to fix things in my own strength, and usually just end up making things worse because I do it out of my own strength. And my strength is not sufficient. But lately God's been speaking to me about viewing frustration as a indicator that there is something in my life and in my heart that isn't in full agreement with Him. As an indicator of dissonance in my life and His heart. So instead of responding to frustration with self pity or trying to fix things in my own strength, I need view it as an opportunity to surrender more of my life to Christ. I need to use it as an opportunity to quiet my heart before my Father and pray to give Him control of my life and of my emotions. I can choose to believe that His strength is sufficient for me even in my weakness. I can choose to rely on His strength above my own and express my utter dependence on Him. By humbling myself in that way I'm learning I can invite the Lord into the situation that's frustrating me, and allow Him to work all things together for my good and for the good of those who love Him. So instead of it being a negative emotion in my life, I'm finding my frustrations can become an open invitation for deeper communion with Jesus. While also using it to cultivate longing for the fullness and righting of all wrongs that won't come until Jesus returns and reigns in Jerusalem.

    

                

                                                                         

Scriptural Musings

                                                       David Counts the Fighting Men
                                                      2 Samuel 24 and 1 Chronicles 21

I've struggled in the past whenever I would read the story of David counting the fighting men. Why should 70,000 men die for one man's sin? Sin is serious, yet shouldn't each die for there own sin? Yet in 2 Samuel 24:1, we see God Himself (some translation say His anger) incited David against Israel to count the fighting men. If God Himself incited David, how then was it sin? Yet later in 1 Chronicles 21:1, it credits Satan with inciting David against Israel and into counting the fighting men. So was it the Lord, was it His anger, or was it Satan? Or was it the Lord through Satan? Was it God inviting David into dialogue and a place of intercession?

When I asked God why He would slay 70,000 for the sin of one man, I felt as though His answer was also in the form of a question, "Were they themselves without sin? Could they not have died for their own sin?" What if they did die for their own sin? What if David's sin was a reflection of their (the nation's) sin and rebellion, and David's coming into agreement with it? And therefore he stepped out of the gap, out of his role as an intercessor, and therefore God's wrath was released? Was David's sin not just his own, but a reflection of what was going on in the nation? "Again the anger of the Lord was aroused against Israel." 2 Samuel 24:1a.

Would God incite David to step out of his role as an intercessor? Would God incite David through Satan to step out of his role as an intercessor so that His wrath might be released? Was the Lord's anger an invitation for David to intercede for them? And David dropped the ball by coming into agreement with the wrong spirit, and counting the fighting men? Was the Lord obligated (can I use that word with Him?) to go through David first to pour out judgement on the sin in the nation? Since they were under his spiritual covering (which I'm not really sure what spiritual covering means, but it's something I'm delving into to learn more on)? And the Lord could not pour out His wrath as long as David was standing in the gap? Even as He had to tell Jeremiah to not pray for this people, nor plead or make petition? Did the Lord allow or incite David into acting on the sin that was in the heart of the nation? And was Satan inciting the sin of Israel, and therefore David's sin too?

In 2 Samuel 24:17, David saw the angel who was striking the people, and he stepped in as an intercessor. "Surely I have sinned, and I have done wickedly; but these sheep, what have they done? Let Your hand, I pray, be against me and against my father's house." (A truly bold prayer, and a testament to his heart as an intercessor). The Lord sent God who told David what to do, and David bought the threshing floor and offered burnt offering and peace offerings. "So the Lord heeded the prayers for the land, and the plague was withdrawn from Israel." 2 Samuel 24:25b.

What if the Lord chose to work through David's spiritual authority and act of sin, so that there would be an intercessor in place when His heart was moved to relent from His destruction and outpouring of wrath? What if He worked through David so that he would be able to hold a place of greater intercession? David did not see the angel who was striking the people (in verse 17) until after the Lord saw Jerusalem and relented from destruction (verse 16a, "And when the angel stretched out his hand over Jerusalem to destroy it, the Lord relented from the destruction, and said to the angel who was destroying the people, "It is enough, now restrain your hand."). After the Lord relented, then David saw the angel and interceded for the people. Had the Lord poured out His wrath apart from it being through David, would He have then had an intercessor in place? Would He then have had a means of mercy? Can He show mercy without an intercessor? Could He have poured out His anger apart from David? Or no, because David was standing in the gap? Could He have judged the nation while they were under David's spiritual covering and he was standing in the gap in a place of intercession and holiness? These are just some of my thoughts, but what do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts, please comment and share!



   *Disclaimer, a lot of this is written in question form to provoke the reader to further thought and dialogue with the Holy Spirit (Whom the Scriptures say will teach us all things), and not meant to be taken as doctrine or solid stances.       

Matthew 10:9-10

My thoughts and musings on Matthew 10:9-10.

“Provide neither gold nor silver nor copper in your money belts, 

nor bag for your journey, nor two tunics, 

nor staffs; for a worker is worthy of his food.”

Matthew 10:9-10 NKJV

“Acquire no gold or silver or copper for your belts, 

no bag for your journey, or two tunics or sandals 

or a staff, for the laborer deserves his food.”

Matthew 10:9-10 ESV

“Provide neither gold nor silver nor copper in your money belts.”

I have neither gold, nor silver, nor copper. I have no back up plan. I have no man-made provision. I have no worldly worth nor position. It’s only You Jesus. You are my Provider. You are enough. I have no back up plan for your provision. I carry no worldly currency, the only currency I carry is hunger for God. 

Gold, I have no riches in the eyes of the world. My currency, hunger, is not guaranteed by the standards of the world. The currency of the world does not apply to me because I live by another system. 

Silver, I have no standing in the eyes of the world. I have no recognition. I have no means of bribery or appeasement in this world.

Copper, I have no trade in the world. I have no worldly conductant.     

“No bag for your journey.”

No means of storing up for yourself the things of this world. No means to store up worldly possessions. No way to carry the things or cares or riches of this world. I carry no baggage. 

“Nor two tunics.”

I have only one tunic. I have but one identity. I wear the clothes of righteousness that Your Son purchased for me on the cross. I wear only the tunic that my Father placed around my shoulders. I have no other identity apart from the wedding garments of my Bridegroom, Jesus Christ. I have no other association, I have no other means or appearance of righteousness.    

“Or sandals.”

No sandals. Exodus, 3:5b, “Take your sandals off your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.” Nothing that hinders my closeness to God. Nothing that hinders my expression of holiness. The things that aren’t necessarily bad, even the good things of this world, but that affect my closeness His holiness. I take them off. I cast them far from my dwelling. I freely forsake the good things of this world, to better experience Your presence. To better experience Your goodness and Your holiness. I throw off anything that hinders. Anything that keeps me from being just a little closer to You. I do anything to get just a little closer God. I let no personal comfort come in between my being, and Your presence.  

“Nor a staff.”

No thing of the world to lean on. No thing of the world to support me when I am weak. No worldly comforts. I desire it so that I must always draw my strength from You, O Lord. I recognize where my strength comes from. I carry no thing that keeps my hands closed to You. Nothing that allows my fists to remain closed. I want to be open handed before You and ready to receive. I do not carry a means to sound out Your way ahead of me. Nothing of this world to check out the path that You have set before my feet. Nothing that lessens my reliance in faith on You. No wisdom of the world to determine if Your path is good. If Your ways are right. I want to come up from the desert leaning on You, not on a support system that comes from the world. Song of Songs 8:5a, “Who is this who comes up from the desert leaning on her Beloved?” I want You to be my steadying source of strength.

Un-Beheld Beauty

   No revelation is too simple. As a young, emerging prophetic theologian, sometimes I don’t realize the worth in simple revelations. The ones that seem obvious, the ones that I’ve heard before, my pride disdains. But as I fall more and more in love with Jesus, and as my pride is being stripped away by the glory of His mercy, I have come to realize that no revelation is too simple. No revelation is to be disdained. The little things are beautiful in the sight of God. The “obvious” things have the power to change a broken and blind world. The things I’ve heard before, someone else hasn’t, and is groping in darkness without it. The things I’ve heard before, are where much of the depth of my walk comes from because I was raised in the Lord. The things I once disdained, were the things of God. I disdained the beauty of heaven, to search for beauty unseen, without realizing the beauty of heaven contained the beauty unseen. It contained depths I hadn’t seen. The seemingly simple things had oceans of untold beauty, I had just yet to see it. 

   The beauty of the cross has hit me anew. The beauty and awe of things like, "God loves me." "Jesus died for me", has once again struck my heart. Things I once grew cold to, and that were too simple for me to dedicate time to meditate on before, are now making my heart come alive so that I can't help but meditate on them. The love of the Man who hung on a cross has ruined me for any other lovers. I am lovesick, and I am ruined for any other love. 

   The beauty of artwork, the crafting of words, the expression of creativity has struck me in new ways. Even poetry, which I once disdained, I have begun to love. The art of crafting words, especially around the heart of God and of the cross, has awakened a new delight in my heart.  


  

                  “The prophecy of a tongue,

                      the laying on of hands,

                       the feeding of the hungry,

                        the hope of the righteous,

                       the redemption of the broken, 

                        the freeing of the bound, 

                      This is the heart of God. 

                    The love of the cross, 

                       The victory of the empty tomb, 

                         The hope of the Nations, 

                  This is my Jesus, 

                                 this is my Friend.”

       

Kissing The Toilet

              I started this post months ago, and just now have the time and revelation to finish it.

   This evening I was in the bathroom with my puppy Reagan. I was washing my hands while she was on the floor, and she walked over to the toilet. Now, Reagan is a sweetheart, and she loves to give kisses. So as soon as she walked over I knew what she was going for. Sure enough before I got to her she licked the side of the toilet a few times. I promptly scooped her up and she started licking me! Somehow her kisses did not seem so sweet, and were rather off putting because I knew she had just been kissing the toilet! I started thinking about how often I do the same thing to God. I defile my lips and being by "kissing the toilet" myself. I give praise to things I shouldn't give praise to, I say things I shouldn't say, I give my time to things I shouldn't give my time to, I meditate on things I shouldn't meditate on. I watch, listen to, read and write things I shouldn't. I give my being and my love to so many distractions of the world. And then I so quickly turn around to God and start giving Him my kisses. And somehow, He still loves them.

   I vowed to save my first kiss for the alter, because I didn't want to defile my lips before God*. Yet how often do I freely give my kisses to the toilet? I also wanted my first kiss to be special, and to be a gift I saved and treasured for my future husband at the alter. But how often do I freely kiss idols, and then expect my kisses to God to be special and a treasured gift I saved for Him?

   To be holy for Him, and wholly for Him, is what I desire. I desire to know no other than Him, to "not even let their names be found on my lips."** I want to be so in love with Yeshua that none other compares, and that none other can hold my attention for even a moment. I want to be so captivated by His beauty that I never look away, never once to turn my gaze. I want to be wholly His.

   What's it to be to know only Him? What's it like to never look away? What do the angels in the throne room feeling after an eternity of His presence? What do the Elders feel after the thousandth casting of the crowns? That's what I long to know. Jesus for eternity.
 

*This was something I felt called to, but I don't believe it is for everyone. I do not believe anyone who has kissed a guy before the alter has defiled their lips! I just believe for me, as one who is called not to, that to do so would be to forfeit God's best in that area.

**Exodus 23:13, "Pay attention to all that I have said to you, and make no mention of the names of other gods, nor let it be heard on your lips."

Vision Post Follow Up

   So, awhile ago I shared a vision I had. This week I wanted to follow that up with an application post for some of the things I touched on in that post.

   "How do we build infrastructure and strategy ahead of time so we can actually handle growth when it comes? And how do we partner with God’s heart/what He is doing in a way that we can sustain it?" I think the answer to this lies largely in cultivating discipleship and keeping our focus on intimacy with Jesus. We need to be discipling people and growing together with others, and we need to be discipled ourselves. We need to raise up the people beneath us in holiness and going after God. "Teach what we know, learn what we don't." We need to be constantly seeking out people to take us deeper in our walk with God, and we need to constantly be helping others grow in their pursuit of Him. But more importantly, we need to be focused on intimacy with God. We need to keep our gaze on Him.

   In a family, life naturally comes out of the husband and wife's intimacy. Life does not come from the children. Our relationship with God is as a relationship of a husband and wife. So are our ministries and spiritual children (those we disciple) as children in a family. Our ministries do not bring life into our relationship with God. Our relationship with God brings life into our ministries and relationships with our spiritual children. So often we lose our focus and expect our life source to be from how well are ministries are faring, and how successful our spiritual children are. But is that the natural? Does the life and vibrancy in a marriage result from how well the children are faring? No! No amount of life and well being in children can keep a marriage that lacks intimacy together! Rather the husband and mother foster an atmosphere where there children can be vibrant and grow strong by having a healthy relationship and intimacy together. The health in the home comes from the health of that relationship. Is that not how it is in the natural? Then why should we expect different in the spiritual? "First the natural, then the spiritual." The health in our relationship with God fosters an atmosphere where our ministries and spiritual children can grow and be strong. (That's not to say that if there is difficulty with a ministry or spiritual child that it is always because of a lack of intimacy with God, for there are winter seasons where fruit is evident, but it is often a factor.) Our intimacy with Christ is where the life in our ministries should come from! 

   The way to keep revival going, the way we partner with God's heart in a way to sustain it, is to keep our focus on intimacy. To keep our focus on Christ and Christ alone, and let our ministries flow our of that place of intimacy.   



   Many of these thoughts were inspired by Nathan Davenport's teaching on Intimacy/Meeting with God. You can listen to it here http://www.chapelonthelake.org/#!teachings/cv40

God and Hamsters

It’s amazing how much hamsters can teach us about God and ourselves and how the world works.

Tonight I heard a sermon illustration featuring hamsters, which has given me a lot of food for thought. It puts this whole strange world and life thing in simple and relatable terms. 

The pastor’s daughters had two pet hamsters, and they put them in a wonderful hamster cage. This cage had everything a hamster’s heart could desire: wheels, tunnels, treats, companionship, lots of food and water. However, one of the hamsters dreamed of a better life, because he started digging through the wall of the cage. The pastor took note of it, but decided to wait until it got worse before he patched the hole. 

Well, the hamster was more determined than he’d guessed, for one night it made its escape.

But the pastor knew something that the little hamster didn’t. Outside of the cage was a cat. The cat’s purpose was to devour the local mice population, but being a well-fed cat he more often nibbled on the mice rather than kill them outright. He was a sadistic torturer, gnawing on rodents before releasing them and catching them again. 

This hamster was in for a world of hurt.

Validity Of Context

   Often you hear people caution against taking verses out of context. Their cautions are valid, but what if by limiting ourselves to surrounding verse and chapter context we end up missing things? What if we miss incredible truth and life in the Bible if we aren't pulling verses and phrases and even half sentences out of the Bible? What if we are trying to put the Scriptures in a box, albeit in a box made of Scripture? What if we had a better standard than just context? Or what if context included the whole Bible, not just the verse and chapter? 

Many scholars and Christians warn that you will be prone to misinterpret verses if you take them out of context, and they warn that you can make the Bible say anything you want to if you take verses out of context. Both of which I entirely agree with. You can misinterpret verses if you take them out of context. And you can make the Bible say anything you want it to say if you take verses out of context. But what if we are missing a wealth of Scriptural life by refusing to look at verses outside of the immediate verse/chapter context? What if we are limiting Scripture and refusing to let it come alive in ways it is meant to come alive in?

So what is the validity of context? Is the context argument valid? I believe that context is important. But what then constitutes context? And what then constitutes taking a verse out of context? 

When I first started putting verse on my pictures I was so careful to not take verses out of context. I often would use longer passages to avoid the risk of not giving enough context. I was concerned about accidentally making Scripture to say something it didn't say, by taking a verse out of proper context. As I have gotten older the Scriptures have become alive to me like never before. Without realizing it I threw such caution to the wind. What I cared about was accurately portraying God's heart and bringing to light verses that often get overlooked. I started pulling out half verses and phrases and even parts of sentences to highlight parts that came alive for me. I was eager to share what made my heart come alive.

I have seen such power and life come from seemingly taken out of context verses lately that it has begun to make me wonder. After much thought and contemplation of context (and the validity of it in properly interpreting Bible verses/passages) I had an interesting thought. What if the context argument was indeed valid, but rather what we were deeming context to be was off? Context is typically defined as the text directly surrounding a verse that tell the events/circumstances in which a verse was written.* But what if deeming only the directly surrounding verses a passage's context was putting the Scriptures in a box? What if it was only a piece of the story? What if we didn't limit our interpretation to verses in their direct passage context, but rather in light of the Scriptures as a whole?   

I think if we broadened our view to not just the few surrounding verses, but to the whole Bible we will have a much better standard. For me, the standard I use in my artwork is whether or not it lines up with the rest of Scripture. The Bible does not contradict itself, so obviously if we have a contradiction then we're the ones in error. But if it lines up with the rest of Scripture and can be supported by other passages than you probably didn't pull anything out of context. 

   2 Timothy 2:15 in the NKJV says, "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." In the ESV it says, "Rightly handling the word of truth." I think we need to know our Bibles well enough and be saturated in Scripture enough that we can go beyond verse chapter context and use the Bible in it's entirety for our context. We need to be students of the Scriptures and students of the Holy Spirit. The word is living and active, and we need to be asking Holy Spirit to bring it to life for us. The Bible is a living document and we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us. The life and truth contained in the Scriptures is beyond imagination, and is worth seeking out.

*It can also refer to the historical context a passage was written during, however for the sake of brevity I am only referencing and dealing textual context in this post. 

       

Holding On To Hope

   Holding on to hope these last few years has been hard. My family has had a lot of sickness (Half of the 7 members of my immediate family have had major health crises) and it doesn't seem to end. It's hard. It's really, really, really hard. I can't begin to describe to you the pain. I can't count the long nights spent crying myself to sleep, praying my heart out, only to wake up to still no change. And to have those nights turn into weeks, and those weeks turn into months, and those months slowly became years...

   Holding onto hope that it will get better, that healing will come, was (and is) hard. In all honesty if it were just up to me I would have lost all hope long ago. But it isn't just up to me. It's not just up to me because God promises to never leave me or forsake me. He never gave up and He never gives up hope. He never gave up on me, so why should I give up on Him healing? I know He is there, and I know He cares. I don't know why He hasn't totally healed my family already. I don't know. But I know He can and I know one day He will.

   I don't have all the answers. But I know God is love, and He is in control. And love doesn't let suffering occur without a purpose. Love doesn't forsake. Love doesn't abandon us. Love doesn't leave. Love doesn't give up. Love holds on. And if God is love and God is in control, which I know He is, than it will be ok. Today might not have been ok, but tomorrow will be. And if tomorrow isn't the next day will be. And if that day isn't that one after that will be. Eventually it's gonna be ok. I can't always see it, but God is good, His love endures forever.

   This was supposed to be a post on continuing to pray and hold on to hope even when it's hard. But honestly? It's a lot more like being ok with spending most of your prayer life in tears. Or living in a state of mostly emotionless because you no longer have the energy for emotion and things begin to grow dull after a point. It's getting out of bed everyday and doing what needs to be done. But God is ok with that. It's not being a super Christian, walking in insane amounts of hope and faith and ignoring current circumstances. It's choosing to trust despite the current reality, and doing what you can to shift it. It's acknowledging that life sucks, but also trusting that God is still good. (Believe me I am way better at the former than the latter though!)

   So how do you hold on to hope? I don't know. You just don't give up. You sing praises to God at the top of your lungs in the middle of the hurricane, and when you can't do that you whisper an "I love you". And when you can't do that you just sit there believing He is good. And when you can't do that you ignore Him for an hour or so and try again.

   You hold onto hope, because God said, "I. Love. You." And that is always, always, always, enough.


    "Love... it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13:7-8a

Vision

  A little over a week ago I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep when I saw a vision. I shared it with a few friends, and thought it would be cool to share it here.   

 I saw a Muslim lady walking quickly alongside of a long parked bus

(which was dark grey/navy with a brown stripe running down it). She was emotionless and 8 or 9 months pregnant. Suddenly the view changed and I could see inside her womb. The baby (a boy) was dead and horribly deformed, especially his left leg which was almost completely missing. When I saw this part of the vision I cried out to God in heartbreak for the life of the baby. At once the baby kicked the wall of the womb 3 times (the number of perfection), and it resounded like a deep drum or shaking. Immediately it sent the women went into labor and she delivered her dead and deformed baby. I had expected him to be born alive after having kicked the womb 3 times. When I saw he was still dead and deformed my heart was wrenched and again I cried out to God for the life and health of the baby. At once life began to enter his body and the vision ended. 

   I was exhausted that night and fell asleep almost immediately after having the vision. In the morning God gave me the the verse in Daniel about God being the God in heaven who reveals mysteries and I remembered the vision. I praised God and asked what the vision meant, and this is what I got.

   The dead and deformed baby is the pretense of life in the Muslim cultures. The women is the nations and Muslim peoples themselves. She was cold and emotionless, assuming she carried life within her when there was none. When the baby kicked the womb 3 times in response to travailing prayer (my cry was representing the cry of all the saints and the Spirit for the Muslim people), it was the beginning of new life and hope within her. It was the beginning of a shaking that triggered birth pains within her.

  3 kicks/shakings/drum beats was because 3 is the number of perfection. God’s judgements and shakings are perfect, and those birth pains ultimately bring life. The result of birth pains is a joy so great that the trial and pain is completely overshadowed and forgotten. I believe the joy of the harvest to come from the Muslim world will greatly overshadow the birthing pains of the trials (ISIS, war, persecution etc.) that are now working to bring forth life.     

   Since she was 8 or 9 months pregnant, and the baby kicked 3 times I decided to look up Isaiah 8:3 and 9:3 (no reason for Isaiah in the dream, I just knew that is where I was to look). Isaiah 8:3 is, “Then I went to the prophetess, and she conceived and gave birth to a son. And the Lord said to me, 'Name him Maher-Shalal-Hash-Baz’.” Maher-Shalal-Hash-Baz means, 'quick to the plunder, swift to the spoils'. I think it has something to do with plundering Islam for Christ. We need to be quickly going to the spoils without wasting time. I believe we need to go forth to the Islam world in faith and in confidence for the time of harvest is upon us (The harvest is ready. John 4:35*). Isaiah 9:3 is, “You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before You as people rejoice at the harvest, as men rejoice when dividing the plunder.” (Emphasis mine). We need to be rejoicing and praising God for the Islam harvest** even now. We need to be devising strategy for dividing the plunder even now. 

   Because of my fairly extensive background (for a 17 year old anyways) in the inner workings of a lot of different churches, the dividing the spoils part really struck me. I have been in a lot of churches that have a heart to see revival and see lives change, and it will start to come but they end up not having an existing infrastructure that can support it. They end up with tons of seekers and baby Christians and a very very small group of strong Christians that become completely overwhelmed with all the need. The growth of the seekers and baby Christians stalwarts because they don’t have anyone discipling/teaching them and the strong Christians burn out from trying to meet all the needs and not being fed themselves. From there one of two things happens. One, the ministry or church completely disintegrates. Or two, you end up with a (often large but not always) ministry that outwardly is growing and very successful, and although there are success stories coming out of it and there are good things happening, for the most part on the inside there is little growth and a lot of burned out leaders. Those leaders either end up in compromise/sin or they push for as long as they can and then one day they up and leave because they were overwhelmed, overloaded and not having their needs met for their personal walk. I have watched this play out so many times in so many churches. It’s heartbreaking and although the desire is good the ability to carry it out well is lacking. I wonder what would happen if we had strategies and infrastructure built ahead of time so we could actually handle the growth when it comes. What if instead of our focus being on how to start revival and how to get seekers in the door, the focus was on how do we partner with God’s heart/what He is doing in a way that we can sustain it. Too often the issue is not starting revival, rather sustaining it.

   I also thought I was supposed to look up Jeremiah 8:3 and 9:3 (although I felt God wanted to emphasize the Isaiah verses more in this particular instance). Both verses really fit with the broken state Islam is in. 8:3 is, “Wherever I banish them, all the survivors of this evil nation will prefer life to death, declares the Lord Almighty.” The Muslim people groups are currently in a state of preferring death (Islam) to life (Jesus). They are banished from Him for their sins, though He has made a way to restore them to Him (through the cross). 9:3 was, “ 'They make ready their tongue like a bow, to shoot lies; it is not by truth that they triumph in the land. They go from one sin to another; they do not acknowledge Me,’ declares the Lord.” That pretty much sums up Islam life (living in total deception, not acknowledging God and preferring death to life). 

1 Samuel 30:24 was going through my head while I was contemplating the dividing the plunder verse. “ 'The share of the man who stayed with the supplies is to be the same as that of him who went down to the battle. All will share alike.' David made this a statute and ordinance for Israel from that day to this.” I want to start a study on the different passages in the Bible that mention plundering or spoils. I will make sure to write a post if I get anything while doing that.  

 To clarify. Please don’t misunderstand me, I understand ultimately it is Holy Spirit who starts and sustains revival. It isn’t a system or any sort of human planning mechanisms that can do it. But I believe Holy Spirit is orderly and works within order (not that He can't work within chaos, but rather that even when it appears He is working within chaos, the reality is that He has an organized plan and purpose in everything. We just can’t always see it so we perceive it as chaos when in reality it well planned). I am not proposing we throw out Holy Spirit for a system or program, rather that we seek vision for how Holy Spirit orchestrates sustained revival so that we can partner with Him within order, and not just partner in what we perceive as chaos. I did want to clarify my heart on that.    

*John 4:35, "Do you not say, 'There are yet four months, then comes the harvest'? Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest."

**By Islam harvest I mean the currently Muslim people who are going to get saved in these end times. 

My Yes For His Heart

   I was first called to go to the Middle East when I was 9 or 10. I had been told of the masses that were living lives of fear and brokenness without ever hearing the Gospel and it wounded my heart. I could not stand the thought of them not knowing my Jesus, and I determined to tell them. For years that was a cry of my heart, that God would send me.

   As I got older I started to forget that cry. In junior high my family and I went through some hard circumstances and I really began to wrestle with my faith for the first time (which led to a total transformation of my faith in which God completely reintroduced Himself to me, but that is a story for another time). At the same time I got involved in ministry with kids in a downtown after school program. I got distracted and caught up in my ministry in America and completely forgot about the call to the Middle East.

   Recently God has been tugging on my heart to go to the Middle East again, and I have once again given my yes. I am finishing high school this year and going off to the Fredericksburg House of Prayer (also called The Prayer Furnace) to intern with their Missions And Prayer School (MAPS). It is a 2 year program at their house of prayer, and then there is 3 months in a Middle East House of Prayer. From there I want to be a witness for Christ in a specific country (there is a specific country in the Middle East I was called to, but for safety reasons I won't name it). I am laying my life down to love God in the Middle East. I am laying my dreams and my plans for my future aside to pick up my cross and follow Christ.

   I tell a story of a young girl who heard a crazy call as a kid and said yes, and now as a teenager is acting on that yes in radical ways. The part of the story I don't tell, is I didn't really want to go for a long time. I tell the story of a kid that felt the call to go and said yes, which is true. But deep down I didn't really want to go, and secretly hoped God wouldn't actually end up sending me. I love my American life. I love my kids (I call the kids at the after school program "my kids"). I love my family. I love my city. I love my comfortable lifestyle. I love my dog. I have dreams here in America that if I go to the Middle East I leave behind. The idea of leaving all that behind and moving to minister in a foreign culture with huge difficulties, including crazy hard languages, was terrifying to me.

   So what made the difference? How did I go from saying yes but secretly begging for a no, to completely on fire for the Middle East and desperate to go? Jesus and prayer. Jesus and prayer made the difference. Holy Spirit slowly started working on my heart even while I resisted. I relented enough to start praying 7 times a day for the Muslim people groups and I started asking God to send workers into the harvest. They were (are) short prayers, often 2 or 3 sentences and nothing super spiritual. But somehow in that my heart shifted. Where fear once ruled my faith started to grow and take hold. In this transformation one day I was sitting on our couch and I saw Jesus's face. I physically saw my Lord. He was grieved over the unreached people groups and it broke my heart. I realized I can no longer pray for the Muslim people and pray that God would send workers into the harvest and not first go myself. I realized that if my heart is not breaking for the things that break His heart, than I am not truly in love with Him. I now weep at the thought of my Beloved having died for a people group that does not know Him as their Beloved, and that bow their knee to another. I weep for the Islamic masses that do not know my Beloved, that do not know my Father. The people who live their lives in brokenness, never knowing a God that is good. That is Love. Never knowing the Truth. It's no longer a sacrifice to think about giving up everything to pursue God's heart for the Middle East. I realize the truth in the quote, "There is no shame in lovesickness."* What was once radical or a huge painful sacrifice is nothing. My heart is so shifted that to go and to even give up my life if it comes to that is not a sacrifice.

   Some look at me and think I am crazy. Some question whether or not I have any idea what is going on right now in the Middle East (which despite our lack of a tv at home I do have actually an idea what is going on). Some think I am a radical super Christian. Some think I am signing up to be systematically executed. But in reality, I am just a lovesick teenager with a God who is in love with the Middle East. I'm not a super Christian. God's dreams were just bigger than mine, and when I gave Him my yes, He gave me His heart. And that is a trade I will make again a thousand and one times a day for every day of my life.

*Kim Hager, a The Prayer Furnace staff member.

Names of God

Do you have a favorite name for God? God's names are endowed with His character. His character is a reality and His names reflect that. I believe it is important that we in turn reflect on His names, and therefore reflect on His character.     

"Who are we, 

mere breaths that quickly fade, 

that we should be honored

 to know the Name of our God?

And to worship at His feet,

a people of unclean lips. 

Yet even to know Him one day 

as He knows us."    

Today I am reflecting on His name I AM and the character implications of that name. I would challenge each of you to pick a name of God and reflect on it for a day, a week, or even month. Ask God why He chose it as His name and what of Himself is He portraying through it. You will be surprised what He will reveal when you ask Him about His names.

Possessing Nothing But Christ

     "Possessing nothing but Christ, yet owning everything."

   What would it be like to possess nothing, in that there was nothing material or of this world we held dear? What if we lived like Paul said and counted it all loss for the sake of Christ? What if we were so unattached to material possessions we could trade them for utter poverty in the eyes of the world and never even notice their absence? What if possessing Christ was all that mattered?  

   If our ultimate goal in life was to possess nothing but Christ, how different would our lives look? What radical lifestyles would we lead if we realized the wealth in possessing nothing but Christ?

   The less we possess of this world (in terms of what we hold on to), the more we can possess of Christ. And to possess Christ is to possess everything. To possess Christ is to be among the wealthiest to ever walk this earth.

   What if our goal in life was to see just how much of Christ we could possess? How well could we reflect Him in life in a broken world? How much of His Spirit could we contain? How much could we surrender to Him? How close could we get to Him in this life? How much can we possess Christ?

"I am my Beloved's and my Beloved is mine."*
Song of Songs 2:16a

"You joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one."*
Hebrews 10:34b

"But as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way... as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything."*
 2 Corinthians 6:4 & 10.

*Emphasis mine.

"Is Passed"

   "Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth My word, and believeth on Him that sent Me,

hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life."

John 5:24 Authorized King James Version.

   I don't normally read the KJV Bible, but recently have delved into the words of Jesus in the KJV. Words that I've heard so many times, even at times preached wrongly, that they lost their luster to my eyes. But because I am not as familiar with the King James Version and the language is so different, it hits me fresh and in a new light. The bit of difficulty in the language and need to study harder to find the meaning is rewarding to me. One verse in particular utterly captivated my heart... and commandeered my attention.

"But is passed", not "has passed" from death unto life. I've read this verse so many times in the NIV and other modern translations, but it really caught my attention in the King James Version when I read it. The grammar nazi in me wants it to read "has passed" since both "has" and "passed" are past tense. But it reads "is passed", is being present tense, and passed being past tense. We live in a continuous state of having passed from death into life.     

   As I was contemplating the complexities of this reality, this living in a constant state of having passed from death unto life, another line of thought came to mind. What is the only reason I cannot simultaneously be in both Alaska and Kansas? The answer; Time. Time is the only reason I can not be in both places. I can go to and be in Alaska, and I can go to and be in Kansas. The only thing I can not do is be in both places at the same time. If you take time out of the equation it becomes a whole new playing field. There is no time in eternity. Therefore in eternity we are not limited by time nor tenses (past and future come from having time. In eternity there is only the now, the forever present tense. Or, as I like to say, the forever presence tense). Inside of time we are limited by both time and tenses in our ability to experience. We are not limited in our ability to experience in eternity. We are not limited by tenses in eternity. We can experience the fullness of God WITHOUT LIMIT! A limitless experience... for eternity. 

   We live in a state of having passed from death unto life, and one day will be unlimited in our ability to experience Him. We get to experience God completely for all of eternity! Do you know what that means??? Do you have any idea what we get to look forward to??? No wonder Paul said to die is gain! We have life to the full, for one day we will experience Him to the full! And that, my beloved, is worth living for.

  

Glorious and Inexpressible Joy

   Are you filled with joy? Are you filled glorious and inexpressible joy? Because if you are not, then you are not living as God would have you to live. You are not stepping into the destiny that God has for you. You are not fully accepting the gift from God that was bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ.

   Joy is an emotion from the Lord. When we feel God’s emotions, when we feel what God is feeling with Him, our hearts become even more intertwined with His than before. When we feel His joy, His love, His tenderheartedness, and when our hearts break when His heart breaks, our hearts become tied together with God’s. Our hearts can become so intertwined together that no one will be able to tell where one begins and the other ends. And there is power when that happens.


1 Peter 1:8 says, "Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy." Our joy comes from knowing what He has done for us, will one day allow us to see Him face to face. We will one day know Him as He knows us (1 Corinthians 13:12). Do you know what that means? Do you have any idea how intimately He knows us? Our thoughts, our deeds, our desires, our emotion, our personality, our tastes. He knows every single nuance and quirk of our being.  He knows every hair on our head. He knows what makes our heart beat faster and what excites us and what long for with all of our being. And we will one day know Him as He know us! Do you know what that means? Even angels long to look into the things we will one day know (1 Peter 1:11-12). If that doesn't make your heart come alive with glorious and inexpressible joy, than you need to fall in love with your Lover. If that does not bring tears to your eyes and fire to your heart I don't know what will! We will one day see Him face to face and know Him just as we are known. Can you imagine? I can not even begin to fathom what that looks like but that is where I find my inexpressible and unending joy. That is where I find my strength to live for another age. That is how I have hope amidst the hardest circumstances.  

Words: Life or Death

   Every single word we speak either brings life, or it brings death. They brings light, or they brings darkness. There are no neutral words. And one day we will have to give an account for every careless word we speak (Matthew 12:36-37, "I tell you, on the day of judgement people will give account for careless word they speak.) We will be judged by our words, and we will be set free by our words (Matthew 12:37, For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.).

Every word we speak has power. Proverbs 18:21, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."

The Bible offers guidance for speech. Psalm 37:30, "The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks justice." And Proverbs 21:23, Whoever keeps his mouth and tongue keeps himself out of trouble." Also Colossians 4:6, "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

Holy Spirit will speak through us if we will allow Him. 2 Samuel 32:2, "The Spirit of the Lord speaks by me; His word is on my tongue."

We can enter into covenants on how we will and will not speak. Job 27:4, "My lips will not speak falsehood, and my tongue will not utter deceit."

We can speak with excellence. Proverbs 25:11, "As apples of gold in pictures of silver, is a word spoken in season."

Our words are sharp swords capable of waging great war. Psalm 57:4, "My soul is in the midst of lions; I lie down amid fiery beasts- the children of man, whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords."

We speak about what we love, and our passion moves out speech. Psalm 39:3, "My heart became hot within me. As I mused, the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue."

God knows our speech and our motives. Psalm 139:4, "Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, You know it altogether."


   This is a message of warning. For by our words we can bring death and judgement to our souls and to the people around us. We can gossip and slander, speak idly and cloud the atmosphere around us. We can speak death over people, even those we love, with our speech.

   But this is also a message of hope, for by our words we can set captives free, bring hope to the hopeless, bring healing to the broken, and life to the lifeless. We can show the love of God by our speech, and we can be set free by the words we speak. We can enter into life by our words.

   It is a message of hope because it declares we can change the life of people we come into contact with everyday. The times we witness without seeing fruit, we can know that we still spoke life over that person and that always makes a difference. The conversations with people that don't feel like they matter can matter and declare life over someone, and do more good than we will every see. It is a message of hope because we can bring life to every conversation when we speak.

  So how will you speak? I will be pretty transparent here and admit this is a struggle for me, especially with my family. I struggle with my tone of voice, and am too quick to speak a harsh word (even when not intending to speak harshly). It's something I need to work on, and will work on. So, starting one day at a time, I am going to really work on speaking life, and not death.

I'm Getting A Puppy!

   I am getting a puppy! After a dream two years in the making, "Reagan" is officially coming home with me Monday, December 1st! Woo hoo!

Reagan is on the far right. Isn't she cute?

    Waiting for this puppy has definitely been a hard lesson on waiting for God's best. When I first started the journey of looking for a puppy I had planned on only having to wait a year. I picked the litter and waited with anticipation as that year of waiting went by. The year passed and the breeding took place, and I was going to get the pick girl out of the litter. I prayed over the puppies everyday, I bought puppy toys, I scheduled school to have time off for her. I couldn't wait till she was born! But the litter wasn't meant to be. The breeding didn't take, and then mom got an infection in her uterus (pyometra) and had to be spayed.

  Devastated does not even begin to describe how I felt. I had so been looking forward to that puppy, and my hopes were crushed. But the breeder was determined to make sure I got a puppy, and so I kept waiting.

   Another year I waited. The breeder had a couple litters in that time, but every litter just wasn't the right one and God would turn my heart to say no. There was even one litter that I desperately wanted a puppy from, but the mom only had one puppy and I was second on the list for a puppy. Things kept not working out.

   Until Reagan's litter. The breeder was repeating one of my all time favorite breedings of hers and wanted to know if I wanted pick girl. I said yes! Not only that it was the same sire as the original litter that didn't work out. I was getting my puppy after all!

   October 13th. 9 precious puppies were born, the exact number of puppies I had prayed for with the original litter. 5 girls and 4 boys, again exactly what I had originally prayed for.

Waiting for God's best was hard. There were times where I considered compromising. I considering giving up the dream of a puppy. I definitely tried to force things to happen faster. But in the end, God's best was worth waiting for. When I met Reagan yesterday I realized how much better God's plans were than mine. God is good, and all things do work together for those who love Him. Even when it doesn't look like it.

                                 So I am getting a puppy, and God is good.

   

 

The Old Testament

   I am an Old Testament girl. I love the Old Testament. I always have. The majority (probably 80%) of my devotional time is spent in the Old Testament and almost all of my personal revelation is on passages in the Old Testament. This has been the case since I was a little girl, and as I have grown older I have become amazed at how many Christians don't love the Old Testament. They love the God of the New Testament, they love Jesus, but they read the Old Testament and see an angry God. They try and separate the God of the Old and the God of the New. But you can not separate the two, for they are the same God. If we start trying to pick and choose the sides of God we like and are ok with, we dethrone God and idolize our false ideas of who we think God should be. We start putting ourselves in place of God. We start setting ourselves up as god when we dictate what He can and cannot be. When we decide things like God can be loving, we will believe in that God, but God can't be angry, we don't believe in that God. God can be forgiving and merciful, we like that God. But no, God can't be a holy God that won't tolerate sin, we don't like that God. But they do not realize you cannot separate the two. God cannot be a forgiving God, unless He is a holy God who cannot tolerate sin. Why? Because if God isn't a holy God who cannot tolerate sin, there would have been no need for Him to die in our place so that He may forgive us and be merciful to us. There would be no need to forgive or way to be merciful to us.

   If you find yourself struggling to see a loving God in the Old Testament, here is what I would have you to do. Read the Old Testament (start with Ezekiel 16), not through the lens of an angry God or a God that enjoys suffering, rather through the eyes of a Holy, Jealous, Loving Husband, whose wife not only betrayed Him and became a prostitute but abused their precious children. Yet He wants nothing else but for her to come back to Him. Yea, begging, pleading with her at times to return to Him. And yet burning with Holy Jealousy for her and for the justice of their children. Through all this He promises to have her again, if only she shall return to Him with her whole heart. See a loving God yet? I do. The God of the New Testament who would die for us, is the same God that burns with passion in the Old. They are one and the same. Do not separate the two, for without the first you can not have the latter. Without knowing the first you can not understand the latter.

Meet Searcy, Our New Bloggirl!

Me. How do I describe myself in a single paragraph? The first things that came to mind were intelligent, beautiful, perfect, etc. but so you don't think I'm proud and haughty I shall refrain from such an answer. :p And in reality I'm none of those things. I'm broken, I struggle, I hurt, I deal with insecurity just like any girl, and only by the grace of God am I still standing here today.

No, I did not ruin the dress. It survived

and anyway I bought it on sale for $10.

I am a Child of God, and that is who I am. Everything else is a reflection of His heart, but not directly tied to my identity and who I am. I am 17, homeschooled and always have been. I love animals, especially horses and dogs. I love photography (see my photos here). I am passionate about my Beloved Jesus and the character of God. I am an emerging theologian, apologetic, and writer. I am an evangelist. I absolutely love provoking people into deeper closeness with Jesus, whether that looks like a softly spoken thought, meaningful question, or outright fiery challenge. That makes my heart come alive, and I love it even more when someone provokes me back. 


My middle name is Trouble (seriously, Searcy is my middle name and it legitimately means Trouble). I have a very sarcastic/snarky sense of humor that I have to watch so it doesn’t actually get me in trouble. (Oh, and to all y'all out there that think God is boring and no fun, I am living proof He isn’t. I am made in His image, and I am unbelievably fun, and the farthest thing from boring, so any God who would make me HAS to have a sense of humor!) I am a passionate, all or nothing teenager with a very fiery spirit. I love a good debate, but rarely participate in them as I am also very sensitive to people's feelings and never want to hurt anyone.

I have an amazing mentor, Megan, who is such an incredible woman of God. I am so blessed to have her in my life; she was and is truly a Godsend and she has supported and loved me more than I could ever have asked or imagined. I thought I should mention her, as I will probably quote her a lot in my posts.