#foreveralone

Valentine's Day is one of the most lonely times of the year for me. As an extremely romantic person, I crave the excitement of receiving cute little cards or a pretty bouquet of roses. But, as a single girl with such high hopes, Valentine's Day becomes rather depressing. Have you been there? I know I'm not the only one who checks their inbox 7,000 times on Valentine's. :)

Last week, I was feeling lonely, boyfriend-less, and just in one of those moods where the only thing to soothe my soul was a good, hearty chat with my best buds. Bible study was exactly what I needed, and Jesus knew it too. Little did I know, he had prepared my friends' heart to share exactly what I needed to hear that night. A story that made this past Valentine's Day more exciting. This is the story that she shared. And I'll never forget it...

"When I was in college, I swore off boys because Jesus asked me to. In the back of my mind I still wanted to have that special person, but I knew He liked it just me and Him for a while. One evening, It was just me and Jesus, alone in my dorm. I was soaking in his presence and His joy filled my heart. I closed my eyes as He was talking to me - we talked about everything. As I sat there, an image jumped to my mind. It was a picture the most handsome, gorgeous man you've ever seen. Thinking it was my own imagination getting the better of me, I tried to shake it off and refocus, but my Jesus told me to wait and look closer. The man stood tall and handsome in a crisp, black tux. He stood ecstatic on my front porch, holding a dozen of the most beautiful roses you've ever seen. He looked right into my eyes, his beaming with overflowing love. At this point, I was thrilled, thinking that this was my future husband or something of the sort. I asked Him 'Who is this man?' And I'll never forget His reply 'That man is me. I wait for you every morning, holding the roses, waiting eagerly to see you. I stand at your door, eager to get just a glimpse of you, but longing so much to spend time with you. That man is me, and I LOVE YOU.'"

What a powerful story, right? When I heard it I couldn't stop squealing with girly giddy excitement (I even did a little happy dance). This was an exciting discovery, and I knew that Jesus wanted that for me too. So, who cares if that one boy likes us? We have the most dreamy perfect Man in the world, waiting to spend time with us every day. When we leave Valentine's Day feeling hurt or lonely, how much more hurt do you think our Savior is when we neglect Him? He is madly in love with us no matter what we do.

So, don't pass up the opportunity to take those dozen roses, every chance that you have, and let Jesus fill that longing we have for love. When He knows we are ready, the right man will come along, but no matter what, He will ALWAYS love us. He never gives up on us, He never fails us, and He'll never leave us #foreveralone.

We love because he first loved us. 

1 John 4:19 

...the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. 
Deuteronomy 31:6 

Winged Contentment

Yes, I am alone on Valentine's Night.

Literally, alone. I've got the place to myself. Just me, my laptop, and a steaming mug of chai spice tea.

February 14 is an excuse for a lot of things: giddy laughter, chocolate, hand-holding, candlelight, chocolate, self-pity, sad poetry, chocolate, and nasty little sugar hearts printed with trite phrases. I'd be prepared to see less of some things (except the chocolate), but one thing that I think we need to see more of (among singles and couples) is contentment.

This is something that I struggle with sometimes--who doesn't? Even the happily dating, betrothed, or wedded can have their share of pity parties.

What image does the word "contentment" bring up on the screen of your mind?

Maybe you see quiet diligence, working hard and successfully ignoring all the beautiful, but deceptive, luxuries of the world.

Maybe you see a spiritualist wacko doing a yoga pose and blissfully deluding himself into thinking the world is peachy keen.

Does that sound like a life with wings? 

Does that sound like the kind of life God means you to live?

What if "contentment" instead meant somebody who laughs into the face of loneliness, fear of rejection, unworthiness and grace-less-ness and sings boldly,

"God I trust you. I trust you with every ounce of blood and passion of my being that you will do abundantly more for me than I could ever imagine, and I seize with my hands and heart the magnificent blessings that you have prepared for me in this very second."

That's an attitude I could get behind. That's a brand of contentment that I could be a fan of.

Questions for comments: What is your idea of "contentment"? Is it positive or negative? Can you honestly say along with Paul, "I have learned the secret of being content"?

The Best of 2012

Wow, Altogether Separate has been going strong for over a year now! We owe it all to this amazing community of girls. We just love inspiring and encouraging you, and hope to do it for a long time to come.

I thought it would be fun to have a look at the ten most popular blog posts from 2012. They cover a wide range of subjects, from gratitude, to life purpose, to family, to waiting for marriage. Check some out and see if one of them speaks to you:

32, a photo by Fidenaut on Flickr.

10. Be the Sister (Abigail): This is a personal story, something that I have learned—am learning—and hope can be of some help to those of you with siblings.

9. Femininity - Duchess, Cowgirl, or something else? (Devin): Femininity.... This is a word that I find conjures up many images in a girl's head when she hears it.

8. A Random Taste of What Is To Come.... (Devin): Our topic for the next two weeks will be on friendship! This should be an awesome two weeks as the topic is an important part of our lives and has taught so many of us so many lessons.

7. November 2012 Featured Girl: Micaela Wood: Micaela is 18 and lives in Downeast Maine. She's a PK (pastor's kid), the oldest of four children, and a homeschool high school graduate.

6. December 2012 Featured Girl: Julia Erickson: Julia is an artist, writer, dreamer, dancer, and a girl who enjoys finding sparkle in every day.

5. Waiting For Marriage...or Not. (Abigail): I don't think that God is calling you to wait for marriage.

4. The Shocking Truth About Family (Abigail): What's one of the worst things about homeschooling? You have to spend all day with your family. What's one of the best things about homeschooling? You have to spend all day with your family.

Image credit GabrielaP93 on Flickr.

3. Meet Our New Bloggirl!:  Heyyo! I'm Mary Kate, and I cannot begin express how excited I am to start blogging on Altogether Separate! God has truly blessed me with this awesome opportunity.

2. Wherever the Cross Takes Me... (Olivia): As children, my friends' future careers changed on almost a weekly basis. Most of them still have no idea what they're ultimately going to do with their lives, and they rub their temples as they choose a major and pray for God's guidance on the road ahead.

1. One Thousand Gifts Giveaway: One Thousand Gifts is a New York Times Bestselling book written by Ann Voskamp. Its purpose? Daring you to live fully right where you are by giving thanks in all things. We answer some controversy about this book in another post.

Thank you for sticking with us through one amazing year!

Please leave topic suggestions in the comment section of this post. We need to hear from you!

A Daughter with some Vision

The point of this post is to light a fire in your belly.

Bored, a photo by ZapTheDingbat on Flickr.

Disclaimer: This isn't against stay-at-home daughters. In fact, I'm a stay-at-home daughter and mean to keep it that way.


I'm guessing you're a girl who's probably either in high school or not long graduated. Your life lies before you, full of opportunities and plenty of anxious questions--now what am I supposed to do? 

This definitely isn't unique to Christian homeschool girls. I've never met anyone who knew from birth exactly what they wanted to do with their lives. However, we have a unique worldview that will very possibly shunt us in the direction of stay-at-home daughterhood. As Titus 2 says, young women are "to be sensible, pure, workers at home...." So it makes sense that we would hang out at Mom and Dad's house until our knight in shining armor rides by, right? (More on that in my post, Waiting for Marriage...or Not.)

What does that look like for you? Learning to cook, sew, or write? Training for some career? Investing time in a ministry? These are good and worthy things, but there is one thing that we must aim at above all others:

"An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband." - 1 Corinthians 7:34

Now I know that you skimmed over that verse because you've read it approximately 539 times. Go back and read it again. Good. If you're an unmarried woman, you must be

• concerned about the Lord's affairs,
• devoted to the Lord in body,
• and devoted to the Lord in spirit.

I know from personal experience and from observing friends that it is so easy to lapse into visionlessness while living at home. It's easy to live under your parents' roof, clean the house, make dinner, babysit, take sporadic French lessons, and forget that this is a time of preparation, searching, and pursuit.

Clear Vision., a photo by kelsey_lovefusionphoto on Flickr.

Imagine that you are getting married/moving out/starting a career/etc. in 6 months. 

Does that thought kick you into high gear? 

Kick it in now. Pursue God's vision for your life now. Get concerned about His affairs now. Get down on your knees and seek His face now.

Don't you dare settle for anything less than passionate devotion to the One who holds the thread of your life in His hands and loves you with a furious love. Don't you dare waste this valuable time of daughterhood by ignoring the hand He has laid on you.

How can you overcome inertia and pursue extreme devotion to Jesus Christ while living as a daughter at home? How will you begin today?

Waiting For Marriage...or Not.

I don't think that God is calling you to wait for marriage. 

Waiting, a photo by h.koppdelaney on Flickr.

Now that I have your attention, I'll clarify. What picture comes to mind at the word "wait"? Perhaps it's a pair of hands folded submissively on a lap, a patient dog beside the door, or bored travelers at a bus stop. I've heard some people talk as if single young women should act like this: passive and stagnant. 

But what does God have to say about waiting?

In Matthew 25 Jesus told the parable of ten young women who had to wait all night for wedding festivities to begin. "Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps." When the bridegroom came along, guess which girls were ready to come out and meet him: the ones who were prepared.

I'm a homeschooled girl who has never had a boyfriend (gasp), and yes, sometimes it's difficult to imagine how I will ever meet Mr. Right unless it's through some kind of random accident. At times it's easy to ignore the fact that I'm single and I can throw myself into living a full and meaningful life, but sometimes it's easy to sit back and bemoan my fate, saying, "Well, I guess I have to wait." If you've ever been tempted to say that, then here is a wake-up quote for you:

A girl who lives a static life of waiting to be married is not attractive. Think what it conveys: “I’ll just sit here idly while waiting for someone to come and give me a purpose, and a house and money and food and make me happy and love me.” It’s very needy. A man wants a companion, not a sympathy case. 

-Debi Pearl, Preparing to Be a Helpmeet 

Let me tell you Lydia's story. Lydia is a beautiful woman with a heart on fire for God. For years her friends admired and appreciated her talents and passion, watching as she embarked on mission trips and made beautiful music with her hands and voice. She was cheerful, sweet, funny, adventurous, and strangely single. Why weren't there dozens of eligible young men snapping her up? 

Perhaps Lydia was thinking that too. I've heard her talk about her struggles in this area, how she wanted a husband but God didn't seem to want that for her. Well, she decided, if marriage wasn't part of the plan she would find out what was. So she took a trip to Israel with the sole purpose of praying and seeking God's heart. And guess what: she found a husband! The moment she stopped waiting for God's will and started doing God's will, Mr. Right fell into her life in an amazing way. 

All of this to say, don't wait, girls! Wait for intimacy, wait for giving your heart away, but for Heaven's sake don't wait to do something meaningful and purposeful in this world until you've found a mate. Unfold your hands and stop being "needy," do the things that will prepare you to be an amazing wife and an amazing woman, because you never know who could be watching....

 

Dreams in the Sky



 Thinking of lace and flowers, cake and rings...

Dreaming of the one whom I shall give my heart to, the one whom I will walk down the aisle with, the one who I shall love all the days of my life.

Um, wait. Did I just say all the days of my life?

So, that means every day... even before I even know that special him? Yes, dear friends, it's true.

"She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life."

Proverbs 31:12

In my thoughts now. My actions now. My feelings now.

But you may ask, "Well, how would I bring him harm?"... and that is what I want to talk about. As women, created in God's sight as beautiful and precious, we have that God-given desire to love, and to show love and comfort to people. Yet sin has twisted that love and made it an idol, in which all we do is dream about who that special "Mr." is whom we can love. {Or can I say fall in love with us and sweep us off our feet?}  So we get carried away... start dreaming, and often fall into seeing us stand up alongside a certain young man we know. Maybe he's cute, or funny, or really nice. Today, we call that a "crush". You know that you want to save your heart for one man, but sometimes it's hard not having those feelings... those dreams for you and him. And what if it is that young man? Maybe that is why God has placed him in your life, right?

Well, not exactly. :)

See, this is a part of loving your husband all the days of your life. It is saving your heart, affections, and thoughts just for him. We don't know who that special someone is, and until the Lord reveals it to us, we need to keep our heart and thoughts pure. But it's hard, isn't it? How can we put aside these feelings, so that we can do good to our husbands all the days of our life?

Here's a few concepts that have truly helped me and strengthened me as I strive to live in purity.

•Seek God's will above your own

So many times we focus so much on ourselves, that we forget to whom we truly belong and live for.

We think about me.. and me ... and my life... and my dreams.. and, well, we lose our heavenly focus.

Yet by asking the Lord to turn our hearts ever more to Him, our priorities shift and our desires are changed to what He desires.

• Remember that we do not have a claim over the certain young man.

We may think "Oh yes, this ones mine. I have every right! I've known him since first grade, have done so many things together, etc." We have to remember that this may be someone else's husband, and if we truly want to show the love of Christ, we must desire their personal good, not our's. If we see the young men around us as someones husband, or as if they were already married {for God has ordained our future}, then we will be able to guard our hearts and keep our thoughts pure.

• Don't build castles in the sky

By dreaming of what house you and him are going to buy, where you are going to go on your honeymoon, and thoughts like that, you are building something that may never even happen. This ends in heartbreak and pain as we see that they never really thought of a relationship with us. And when we start dreaming and planning our life together, it is almost as if our brain goes out the window in that we fail to realise what kind of man we want our husband to be and begin to "settle for less". We fall in love with our romantic fantasies and adventures, where we are always being saved by that special young man. Yet we fail to realise that He doesn't truly live for Christ.

        •Remember the bigger picture.

Is our life supposed to be about how much happiness, joy, and attention we can get out of this life?

Um, no. Sorry to disappoint you. :) As daughters of the Lord, our aim in life should be to live to bring Him glory and honor... to show His love and mercy to those around us, and to put others' interests before our own.Remembering that we are accountable to God for what we do in this life places us back on our feet and gives us a vision for more than our temporal happiness.

These thoughts have helped and encouraged me as I strive to live for my Heavenly Father... to keep my heart pure and to guard it. They have reminded me that if I truly desire to show God's love, I must seek a love that is patient and kind, selfless and forgiving, rather than a self glorifying love that is centered around {guess who!} me.

May these simple thoughts bless you and encourage you as you continue to walk this narrow path.

Blessings,

{All photos via Pinterest}

{Key points and thoughts taken from "Its' not that Complicated", a wonderful book by the Botkin sisters which I am in the middle of reading}

mr. right

I'm pretty sure that, at some point, all little girls dream about something very similar. We all want a perfect wedding, with a special someone waiting at the end of the aisle for us. Many girls (/coughtotallynotmehonestcough) have had their entire wedding, from dress options to reception goodies, planned out since they were old enough to realize mommy and daddy had had a wedding, that this whole wedding thing was desirable, and that boys weren't all that bad. Some girls actually go so far as to cut out the man entirely, and plan a huge bash solely for their own benefit, in the naive hope that they can have a wedding without actually, you know, getting married. Thankfully, that stage ends right about at ten, and never really comes back.

It goes without saying that the future is a question with a lot riding on it. Even more than that is the question of who we're going to spend half of our lives with, and sometimes longer. So, to my mind at least, it's very important that we get this right. There are various ideas as to how exactly we can get it right.

Some girls choose the path of experimentation. They go through a variety of boyfriends, never quite settling down with any one, excusing it with the idea that they're saving up a list of characteristics they want, or just testing to see what they like, or just goofing off while they're young because YOLO, right? More than just spending time with guys and "dating", though, many girls also end up giving themselves in some form to one or more of the guys they date. Be it a few kisses, a few emotional concessions, or a night spent together in secret, they often go farther than they should, and realize too late that it's a mistake, that they shouldn't have ever gotten involved. Some of these girls have had "lines" that they weren't willing to cross.

I've seen so many girls give themselves away to someone who wasn't willing to be there for the rest of his life. He wasn't willing to embark upon a life spent together. Yet time and again, girls continue trusting, giving everything to someone who is undeserving. Is this what God intended for us, his daughters?

I would give an emphatic no in answer. I believe that God said:

...I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11, NJKV)

He knows your future, every little side-plot and roadblock, every plot twist and turn, everything that has ever happened or ever will. He knows what you will name your children and, in their turn, he knows everything that will happen to them. He's got it covered, down to every single last, seemingly insignificant detail. He knows who you're going to marry, who will be the perfect fit to round out your service, to perfectly complement your personality and skills and make your future life the best it can be.

So trust him. Don't think you have to "shop around" to find that one perfect guy who will complete you. Don't think you have to do something to find God's best for you. He'll bring it. Wait for your Mr. Right, because I know God's got it covered.