The Proverbs 31 Daughter

We are not yet wives. We are not yet mothers. We may not have homes of our own yet. But in this moment our Lord has called us to be daughters. Not just any daughters, but those who honor Him with their whole being.

Sometimes, it's hard being a daughter. We want to be free to rule our own lives; submission can seem like a cage. Sometimes, we may want to yell or talk back. Sometimes, it seems easier to leave your room a mess than to obey. Sometimes, we just want our own way. But that is not what God calls us to be.

Before we can become praiseworthy earthly daughters, we must learn to honor and obey our Heavenly Father. When we are good daughters in God's sight, we will become good daughters towards our parents as well.

Psalm 144:12 says "May...our daughters [become] like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace..." The corner pillars are what holds the walls together - in this case our families. God says that being a daughter is an extremely important role; the family would fall apart without its Godly daughters. We need to understand how important we are to our families. If we aren't Godly, we negatively influence others as well.

In Proverbs 31:30, the Lord says: "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." The first step in becoming Godly daughters is to lay aside our earthly desires (our obsessions) and get into God's Word daily. Spending time with our Heavenly Father is the best way to learn who He wants us to become.

As we go about our day, let's listen to the still small voice and rest in the arms of our Heavenly Father. When we honor Him, we are the daughters He called us to be.

"The King's daughter is all glorious within..." Psalm 45:13

The F Word

This is a polarizing word, one that I instinctively cringe at. It's not taboo in Christian circles, in fact it is trumpeted from the rooftops and plastered all over pretty blogs covered in roses with sweet hymns playing in the background.

Femininity. 

It wasn't pushed on me as a child, but I have a cautionary tale about Christian homeschool girls who did have this word rammed down their throats from an early age. I’ll tell you the story of "Lucy," an amalgamation of 2 or 3 real girls.

Lucy was something of a tomboy. As soon as she could toddle around, she was playing in the dirt, fording streams, and mauling small animals. Her mother despaired. She longed for her girl to be a perfect little lady, a good example to other children. So she did what made sense to her: she shoved Lucy into pink dresses with puffed sleeves.

Original Photo: Pink Tutus, a photo by rustman on Flickr.

Lucy hates puffed sleeves. Ever tried to climb trees or chase cattle in a skirt? Not the easiest thing in the world. Besides that, puffy dresses and lace weren't to Lucy's personal taste (fashion ideas develop early, don't they?). But these things were "feminine," and God wants little girls to be feminine, right? So Lucy suffered in silence.

Now Lucy is in her twenties, and what is the last thing in the world she wants to be? You guessed it. Feminine. She's cut her hair short, bought some black shirts, and has nothing but jeans in her closet. Nothing, that is, except for one pink skirt. That's what she wears to church on Sundays. 

Why does she wear that skirt to church? It's a holdover from youth. She has the idea that this is what you're supposed to do. It’s somehow "holier," and should be worn at least once a week. She wears that skirt because her mother wants her to. The church wants her to. Maybe God wants her to.

What is true femininity? It has a lot to do with cultural norms,  with what is traditionally considered appropriate to women. The Biblical definition is 99% about character (as Devin pointed out, you can be feminine as a duchess or a cowgirl), and almost nothing to do with clothing. The Bible has very little to say about how women should dress (1 Timothy 2:9-10 is a rare and somewhat vague exception). 

Some girls like Lucy are shamed into flouncy clothes they dislike, others abandon femininity altogether as soon as they grow up. Plenty of girls—many of you, I'm sure—have no problem with pink and dresses (I certainly don't). There is nothing wrong about being feminine. God calls women to look, speak, and act like women, but I cringe at the word “femininity” because of so many bad examples.

We wade in dangerous waters when we put strict limits on what is and what is not feminine.

Here is the warning I feel led to give: be careful when you define what is "feminine" for another girl, especially when it comes to clothing. It is so easy to injure someone else’s spirit with judgmental words. More than likely, someone who is already set against femininity will run in the opposite direction and you’ll end up doing more harm than good.

Are we called to a high standard of holiness? Yes. 
Is it sometimes hard to be feminine in a culture of gender equality? Yes. 
Should we encourage other girls to act in a godly way? Yes. 
Must we be careful about the extra-biblical rules and regulations that we put down concerning dress and attitude? I believe so.

Have you or someone you know had an experience similar to Lucy’s? What is your working definition of femininity?

a biblical lady

lady - (n)

1. A well-mannered and considerate woman with high standards of proper behavior.

2. A woman regarded as proper and virtuous

There are all sorts of people in the world. There are loud people and quiet people, outgoing people and shy people, crafty people and wordy people, hands-on people and theoretical people. There are just as many divisions within the different genders as there are in the collective group. And that's where it gets a little hazy. The Bible is pretty clear on this point, in some cases--it's very plain that the "loose" woman and the "contentious, brawling" woman of Proverbs aren't women to be emulated. It's equally clear that women like Mary, the mother of Jesus, or Mary Magdalene, or Rachel, are most definitely pretty good role-models.

But what form does this take now, in the twenty-first century? After all, life is so much different now...right? 

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

It is very true that modern young women are in lack of a good assortment of role-models in the here and now. We can read about past women who reached the goal of being a 'virtuous woman'--what I think is probably the best Biblical term for the modern conception of 'lady'--but it's more difficult to find women that live up to that in the here and now. Yet they do exist. You can find them in the kind words they give, in the gentle spirit they possess, in the fact that they're the sort of people who you would give up, whose worth in wisdom and love and pure beauty of the soul is far above rubies.

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 

These virtuous women--these ladies--are strong. Not just in the physical sense (because some of them aren't at all; one of the most beautiful ladies I ever met was old and frail), but in the sense that they have a strength that manifests itself as an ability to listen and never get tired, to be the gentle corrector, to offer advice when it seems something is hopeless, to be the one people go to when they don't know where to turn. That sort of strength, it seems to me, is so much more important than being physically strong, or even mentally strong. To be strong in the heart is a great talent indeed.

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 

These ladies are generous. They are generous with their strength--with the time they spend listening and helping and crying with and praying for--they are generous with their resources and their hearts and their homes and their minds. Not only that, but they are selfless. They think of others before themselves, of what they can do to help another. This part of being a virtuous woman is, to me, more about the spiritual than the physical. It definitely has a physical side--for instance, very often spiritual ministering includes physical ministering. But there is a need in the spirit, a poorness about some people's hearts that must be tended. A true virtuous woman, one of God's 'ladies', can sense that, and tries her hardest to do something about it.

She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 

She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

A lady is industrious. None of the modern-day virtuous women I've met are idle. They have their moments, of course (I mean, how many of us honestly have not had those days where we just want to curl up with a good book and spend hours immersed in a fantastical world, a very safe cup of hot chocolate nestled against one hand to keep it warm?), but they have a plan, a set idea of what they want and how to get there, and what to do while they're getting there. They work for their families, with their families, for other people, with other people. And that's kind of an amazing thing, when you think about it. Other people are one of the wonders of the world, and this lady is able to not only be with them, but do things for and with them, to create and sell and earn and buy.

 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 

A lady is courageous, and respected because of it--mostly because she respects others. This will lead to great rejoicing, for she who lives in peace with all will be loved by all. Something like that. (Try to figure that out if you can; I'm not quite sure what part of my brain produced that, but it sounds cool.)

 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

A lady is wise, and kind, and kind in her wisdom. Someone once told me that the most important thing to think about when interacting with other people is "will this help me love this person more?" That is both part of wisdom, and much of kindness. The wisdom to know what to say (and, more importantly, when to say it), and the kindness to temper those words born of wisdom when needed.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

As always, in everything we do, there must be God in it. Every Godly lady I have ever met did not get there by her own effort. She is strong, but not without the Christ, which strengthens us. She is industrious, but not without the creativity given her by the One who created her hands. She is courageous, and gives respect to all, but not without the Holy Spirit to whisper to her words of truth about the people she meets. She is wise, and kind in her wisdom, but the beginning of all wisdom is God, and His word, and she would not know kindness but for the God who gave His all.

She fears the Lord, not in the sense that she trembles because of the punishment he could send, but that she adores and worships and is amazed by the awesome power that is His. She revels in the love and the beauty that is her God, she delights to learn more of him, to hear His words and see His work in her life. Everything she does is an outpouring, not of herself, but of the reflected light of Christ. She is a woman, not because of herself, but because of the One who holds her up with His mighty hand.