Confessions of a Failure

Do you feel safe talking about your mistakes? Is there someone you can go to who has your complete trust, and who doesn't mind knowing the worst about you?

As Christian homeschool girls, we have a lifestyle that separates us from many others. We have hiccoughs and hangups that other people just can't understand. But don't worry--we "get" you. You're in good company here.

There is power in being real and sharing our mistakes and the ways God has worked to change us. Just sifting through this blog's archives you'll find a lot of real-life issues and confessions: the truth about my idol, Jessica being forced to "adjust her sails," Rose's fear and depression, Mary Kate's struggles with getting up early, Sarah's doubts and questions about her faith. We all have our rough spots, our breakdowns, our failures, but if we stay quiet about them we'll never be able to help others through the same things. By keeping our failure to ourselves, we deny anyone else the benefit of learning from our mistakes. 

Believe it or not, God often uses the most broken part of a person to bring about the most good. The mother who aborted her child now campaigns for the right to life. The quadriplegic becomes a source of inspiration to millions. The lonely homeschool girl who never had any friends grows into a compassionate woman who constantly reaches out to others. It's happened many times before, and it can happen to you.

Even if you have always grown up in a Christian house and always considered yourself a pretty good girl, you've probably changed a lot over the years. God has smoothed sharp edges, healed wounds, and crafted you into something more beautiful, more like Jesus. I know that there are a few of those areas in my life, illuminated by a big, blinking neon sign that says "FAILURE."

• Envy: I could write a whole blog post (or two or three or four) about looking at others and wanting what they have, i.e. artistic, musical, and theatrical talent that I lack, or a romantic relationship. I've fallen into the trap of feeling very possessive about a dear friend, and resenting people who are better than me in certain areas.  
• Disrespect: Since I'm around my family all the time, I often treat them like they're second-class citizens. I'd never say some of the things I've said to my brother if he was just a friend and not a family member. I regret so many harsh and selfish words I've spoken to those who are nearest and dearest to me. 
• Good-girl-ism: When you have a good reputation it's tempting to put on a mask that makes you look completely pure and blameless, hiding and therefore denying your own faults. That's called pride and hypocrisy, and it's ugly.
• Judging: I've also fallen into the trap of condemning others who live a different way. I take one look at them, pull up the folder with their stereotype inside, and start thinking about all the negative aspects of their personality, looks, background, etc. 

Maybe you think I'm a dirty rotten scoundrel now, and shouldn't be writing for a blog like this at all. Hopefully, though, you realize that we have all fallen short of the glory of God. Maybe you fall short in different ways, but we all fail. However, we know what God does with failure. Over the years He has worked on me. I haven't come full circle on all of these problems yet, but at least I know they are problems, and that's the first step.

What mistakes have you learned from, and how is God changing you?

Original Photo: Confessions of a broken heart, a photo by Dannyqu on Flickr.