Tomorrow?

I was upstairs in my parents' bedroom when my mom came to get something. I flopped down flat on my back. "I just don't know where my life is headed," I sighed to her.

To be honest, I've been a little overwhelmed lately by just looking at my calender for August. Perhaps you're like me in the fact that if there's something going on, if someone is going somewhere and it interferes with the family schedule, I have something to do with it. So naturally, with back to school insanity, activities starting again, and seemingly a zillion things to do before school begins anew, the family calendar is packed. The stress is starting to mess with my mind.

Also, I seem to have a moderate case of pre-new-school-year jitters. Questions (most of them ridiculous) chase each other around and around my brain like cheetahs with jet packs.
What am I going to do with myself this year?
Will I get behind in school again?
Will I get all these projects done?
What will this year be like for my music classes? Will anything change? 
(Ad nauseum) 

Sometimes I think I want the sense of confidence and certainty, like George Bailey from "It's a Wonderful Life" when he announces, "I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that."

But, as we all know, his life doesn't go quite the way he plans.

This shouldn't surprise us, really. After all, do we really know what we're going to do tomorrow? How about this week? Or this year?

We don't.

You can plan and plan your wedding day when you're eight years old, but do you know when God will make it clear that you are going to marry?
Nope.
Do you know when tragedy will strike and leave your life in shambles?
Nope.
Do you know whether you'll die within the next 20 years or even the next 20 minutes?
No.

That's where the trust part comes in.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare, and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." --Jeremiah 29:11

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." --Romans 8:28

I can worry all I want about what I'm going to do with myself this August and this school year. I can plan and plan and plan and plan some more. But really, if you matched them up, the plans that my puny little brain came up with probably will fall far short of the the plan of the One created everything out of nothing.

But my God has told both me and you--many times, in fact--that His plans are better, His thoughts are higher, and He knows what He's doing.

As a dear friend of mine has said, "Break my plans, Lord. I know yours are a whole lot better." 

When Trust Doesn't Come Easy

I once wondered how anyone couldn't trust God. "He's the creator of the universe, the Alpha and Omega, he sent his son to die on the cross for us. What's not to trust?" 

Then I went to Bible school.

That experience challenged me in ways I'm still figuring out. At Capernwray I learned that I have major trust issues with my heavenly father. If you're familiar with my past posts, you know that I'm something of a perfectionist, a "good girl" who is passionate about doing everything the right way. What I'm beginning to realize is that this passion for perfection is not always driven by an all-American drive to succeed; more often it is a product of fear. Skull-crushing, heart-thumping, stomach-turning, blood-draining fear. 

And it's stopped me short of adventure my whole life.

People marvel at how I succeed at everything I turn my hand to. Sure, I have some natural talents, but do you want to know the dirty little secret behind my success? I never attempted anything I thought I could fail at. If the going got tough, I got going--in the other direction. The things that I had to muscle through (i.e. algebra) I abandoned as quickly as possible. In other endeavors where I was less-than-brilliant, I kept dragging along in misery day after day, unwilling to admit that I was a "failure" and quit instead of wasting any more time (i.e. piano). 

That was a dreary battle. 

Bible school taught me (again) that God's power is perfected not in my strength, but in my weakness. "Really? I don't have to be fantastic at everything I set my hand to? God can use me even when I'm not succeeding?" That's what I read in the Bible. That's the message I heard from the lectern.

So then the biggest test of my life came, right at the end of term. I was offered a job at the Bible school as an office assistant for one year. 

Can you imagine my fear? This sounds like the perfect opportunity: the job seems to fit me perfectly, the atmosphere is wonderful, the staff wants me to come on board, the school is located in England (a country I've always been absurdly passionate about)...what's not to love? Well, the thought that I would be away from my family for a year is enough to rip my heart out and stomp it into the dust (Homeschool girls, you know how close we are to our families!). At the same time, every indicator shows that this is God's will for me--confirmation from friends and family, circumstances working out perfectly--how can I ignore this clear call?

It comes down to trusting God. 

After several weeks of tearing my hair out, crying, seeking counsel, praying and praying and praying and crying out to God, I've come to the place where I believe this is God's will for me. He's giving me this chance, holding out the frightening opportunity to go out on a limb and do something entirely outside my comfort zone, breaking away from everything I've ever known to do something he's calling me toward. 

Would you take the leap? Would you ignore the pain in your heart and the angst in your spirit and say, "Yes, Lord, I'm going to follow you"? 

I've decided to take the job, and am now working toward getting my work visa and buying another ticket to fly to England this September. To tell the truth, I still don't feel good about it. I haven't experienced anything miraculous that I would call "the peace of God," but still I know that this is a chapter of the story that God wants me to write. Maybe the fear will go away, maybe it won't, but I know that trusting God is never a risk. He is faithful. He is the creator of the universe. No matter how I feel, he is with me and he cares for me, and he will reward those who diligently seek him.

From Homeschool to Bible School

It’s like living on a different planet, yet it feels as natural as singing.

A few weeks ago I was living at home having just finished my college degree online, feeling very “in between.” I had a degree, but no job, no car, and no plan for my life. What I did have was a passion for Britain, and a need to get closer to the Lord. After finding out about Capernwray Bible School I knew what I had to do, and on April 14 I began the biggest adventure of my life so far—a journey to Lancashire, England that would mean attending a “real school” for the first time in my life.

Maybe you’re on the verge of just such a transition. If so, you’re wondering, “Did homeschooling prepare you for Bible school? What was the transition like?”  

As you all know, it’s sometimes difficult for us homeschool girls to find great numbers of friends. We usually have a few deep friendships rather than a broad spectrum of acquaintances. That was certainly characteristic of my childhood. I have five or six girls I would consider my best friends, and I’ve never been able to break out of that. Part of me has wished for more friends, but my introverted self is more than happy to stick with my few dear friends rather than settle for more shallow relationships.

Bible school has plunged me into the 24/7 company of 152 students, many around the same age as me, most of them at the same place in life—in between. Men, women, boys, girls, Canadians, Germans, Romanians, Brits, missionary kids, homeschoolers, public schoolers, all these are swirled into a motley jumble of people longing to know the Lord. It’s a radical departure from my normal, sitting at home quietly working through school with my little brother for company. Now I’m attending six lectures a day, participating in a family group and interactive group, and sharing a bedroom with four other girls. 

The amazing thing is that I don’t feel uncomfortable. Beyond the initial nervousness, I have been able to cope with the drastic difference, and go beyond coping—I’m loving it here. From the first day I was making friends, and right now I have a great crowd I enjoy being around, but more importantly there are several people I feel I can confide in, whom I trust to share my joys and struggles with. I’ve learned to sit with strangers in the dining hall, strike up conversations with the least encouragement, and participate in just about every possible activity.

Me and my dear roommates!

Maybe you think I’m just different. You could never burst right in and start making friends like that, you’ve never been able to. Well let me tell you, I’m no social butterfly. It’s a struggle for me to speak sometimes, and it’s never easy to open up to a stranger.

Homeschooling was actually a great preparation for another form of education. Growing up I was forced to make friends with all kinds of people, kids near my age as well as adults and the elderly. That stretched me in vital ways, and now I feel comfortable with a wide variety of personalities. Doing college studies at home helped me get used to deadlines and the basics of essay writing, which is making the transition even easier.

The hardest part about "real school" is balancing social time with study time. Hanging out with friends has never been something that interfered with my schoolwork, but now there's a jam-packed schedule and so many great things to do. If you're getting ready to graduate from homeschool to something different, give some thought to how you will balance your social life and your homework. Both are important, and one shouldn't be sacrificed for another, but they need to each have their place.

I'm still figuring this thing, out, but it's a wonderful experience so far. Have you experienced some other kind of schooling, maybe a few years at a private or public school, or college? What was the hardest thing to get used to?

Reading List for Homeschool High Schoolers

If you're being homeschooled through high school, one of your greatest anxieties (fears? terrors?) might be college. Sure, it sounds exciting, but it's also intimidating, isn't it? After all, universities are designed for kids who have been in public schools their entire lives, and it's possible that what we've learned at home just won't cut it in the "real world."

Well, as a homeschool graduate who has also earned a bachelor's degree in English, I'm here to give you some solid advice that should make you feel a lot better.

Student, a photo by CollegeDegrees360 on Flickr.

First, breathe. 

It's OK, you can have confidence in your parents, your curriculum, and your own abilities, and of course God. It's natural to be nervous about transitioning from home education to a public or private college, but it doesn't have to be a bumpy ride.

One thing that will help enormously is to be familiar with the books that you will be studying in-depth once you get to college. Since my major was in English I spent a lot of time reading and analyzing Non-Western literature, British literature, and American literature—a lot of books in other words. Though there were many that I had never read before, it helped that I was familiar with the classics and had been exposed to many of those works.

Though there can be no complete reading list for the college-bound student, here are some titles that I think you'll find very helpful to read (or at least get the CliffsNotes on) before striking out into the stormy waters of higher education. Even if you're not going to college, these are some of the most well-known books in the Western world and can broaden your horizons, deepening your insight and giving you some common ground with your public schooled friends. 

Disclaimer: Not all of these books have a Christian worldview, or are even very pleasant to read, but they offer valuable opportunities for testing your faith and applying what you have learned. If your parents don't want you to read some of them, by all means don't. There are many other valuable reads that I have left out, but this should get you started. 

How many of these have you already read?

• The Norton Anthologies: These collections of excerpts and whole works are invaluable to the serious student. Poetry, Drama, Nonfiction, stories from the Middle East, Latino or Australian literature—you could spend decades reading these anthologies alone. Old editions can be bought fairly cheaply on sites like eBay and Amazon. 
• Aldous Huxley: Brave New World
• Amy Tan: The Joy Luck Club
• Angelou, Maya: I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings 
• Arthur Miller: Death of a Salesman
• Benjamin Franklin: The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
• Charles Dickens: Great Expectations, A Tale of Two Cities, David Copperfield
• Charlotte Brontë: Jane Eyre
• Chinua Achebe: Things Fall Apart
• Edith Wharton: The House of Mirth, The Age of Innocence
• Ernest Hemingway: A Farewell to Arms, The Old Man and the Sea and perhaps The Sun Also Rises
• F. Scott Fitzgerald: The Great Gatsby and perhaps Tender is the Night
• Franz Kafka: Metamorphosis 
• Frederick Douglass: Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass
• George Orwell: Animal Farm, 1984
• Harriet Beecher Stowe: Uncle Tom's Cabin 
• Henry James: Daisy Miller: A Study.
• Herman Melville: Moby Dick and "Bartleby the Scrivener"
• James Fenimore Cooper: The Last of the Mohicans, The Pioneers, The Deerslayer (then read Mark Twain's "Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses")
• Jane Austen: Pride and Prejudice, Emma, and perhaps Sense and Sensibility and Persuasion
• John Steinbeck: The Grapes of Wrath, Of Mice and Men, and perhaps The Pearl
• Joseph Conrad: Heart of Darkness
• Kate Chopin: The Awakening 
• Leo Tolstoy: Anna Karenina. War and Peace
• Mark Twain: Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and perhaps A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court and Innocents Abroad
• Mary Shelley: Frankenstein
• Nathaniel Hawthorne: The Scarlet Letter and The House of the Seven Gables
• Ralph Ellison: The Invisible Man
• Richard Wright: Native Son
• Robert Frost,        Ezra Pound, Carl Sandburg, William Carlos Williams, Langston Hughes: Selected poems
• Shakespeare: Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, Macbeth, Twelfth Night, and others
• T.S. Eliot: "The Waste Land"
• Tennessee Williams: A Streetcar named Desire, Glass Menagerie 
• Upton Sinclair: The Jungle 
• Virginia Woolf: To the Lighthouse
• Walt Whitman: Leaves of Grass
• Washington Irving: "Rip Van Winkle"
• Willa Cather: My Ántonia
• William Faulkner: As I Lay Dying, The Sound and the Fury
• Zora Neale Hurston: Their Eyes Were Watching God

Besides my personal college experience, these are some helpful resources I referenced:

• thehomescholar.com
• goodreads.com
• homeschool-rewards.com
• homeschool-rewards.com
• homeworktips.about.com
• als.lib.wi.us

When I grow up...

I want to be

a ballerina

a teacher

a writer

a nurse

the list can go on...

As a child, "growing up" seemed so far away, that you could change your mind over and over again on what you wanted to do when you were older. Yet, now you may find yourself about to face the question of what to pursue after you graduate, and the answer doesn't come as quickly!

There are so many different views on what a young lady should do once she graduates, so I would like to share of my thoughts...

Before the decision is even made, you must turn your heart to the Lord and strive to understand what He desires... what plans would glorify Him as Devin recently shared.

Each person is different... the Lord gives us all different callings... and only when we obey Him can we find true joy.

My deepest desire is to be a homemaker, mother, and wife. Homemaking is a Godly desire and one to be treasured. Yet, does that mean that once I graduate I am just going to wait for my prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet? Well, though this may be the Lord's will for some, I have the conviction that while the Lord has me single, I want to be useful for Him. During these years of waiting, I want to prepare my heart as well as my mind for what the Lord may have planned for my future.

If it is the Lord's will that I marry, I would like to have certain skills mastered so that I may use them as a tool to bless my husband. They may be such skills that I need to take college courses to accomplish them, or they may be skills that I can gain through other areas, but still, I feel as though that I need to be sharpening my mind for God's glory.

For example, I love praising the Lord in song and He has blessed me with the ability to play a few instruments.While praying about and pondering what I should do after I graduate, the thought has struck me that I should pursue my study of music, that way I can give music lessons in the future. That may be a blessing to my husband, helping him and seeking to bless our family, and a tool to glorify the Lord.
These are simply thoughts... ponderings... which fill my mind as I pray about this season of change. {Which for me is about a year away}

I do believe that the Creator has made man to be the breadwinner, and the wife to support her husband. Sadly, our generation tries to switch these God- given roles, which results in chaos and heart ache.
Only when we embrace God's design for us as woman can we truly be content.
Thus, I have the conviction to not desire a life career. Indeed, this is a conviction, one that I feel upon my heart, yet I do not judge those who feel otherwise!

Therefore, like I have previously shared, your decision regarding college/ higher education truly depends on what the Lord has convicted you about... what choice would enable you to glorify the Lord more?

So, though I have no immediate plans... I am trusting in the Lord, waiting for His wonderful plan for my future to unfold, and lifting up this matter to Him. Prayer is of utmost importance in any decision!
He knows thethoughts and desires of my heart.... yet I must be willing to submit to whatever His will is.

May we trust in the Lord with all of our heart, leaning not on our own understanding... in all areas of our life.

Blessings,