March 2013 Featured Girl: Melinda P.

This month's featured follower is a special girl named Melinda. She is the authoress of the blog Radiant Purity and True Beauty. She is a twenty-something homeschool graduate, living at home and enjoying farming, writing, government, cooking, creating recipes, and volleyball. She's a girl with big dreams, big faith, and big ideas.

Let's hear what she has to say.

Tell us a bit about yourself and your family. What is life like around your house?

I'm the youngest of seven children. Most of the older ones have left, except my Down's syndrome sister, Rachel and my brother just older than me, Jonathan. We live on a farm in Oklahoma. I was taught at home by my parents for my entire education, something I am truly grateful for! Life on a farm in Oklahoma has its daily ups and downs, joys and sorrows. Since we're a self-employed family, the "typical" moments of our days are doing farm chores, eating, cleaning, and sleeping...and the work we get done in between often differs from day to day. :-)

As a twenty-something single girl, how are you supporting yourself/preparing for the future?

I graduated from being home educated in 2007, but even before that I was working for my dad who is an accountant. During the tax season months (January through February), I do quite a bit of work for him. During the rest of the year, I help with bookkeeping and accounting for our business and family. I also have done some things around here on the farm (including milking) which brings me some income. My brother and I have also had a history book business which has taken us to several states for home education conferences. We're actually planning on putting it aside for now as we've both gotten too busy to give it the attention it needs.

Since I don't know what the future holds, I'm preparing both for married life if it is in God's plan for me, and for potential singleness if that is what I'm called to. Since my graduation, I've studied a lot about nutrition, which is a big interest for me (you can see some of my own recipes and insights from my nutrition study from my other blog, Healthy, Witty, and Whole. I occasionally blog there too). I've learned how to cook, bake, sew, and do some gardening. I've also been able to learn how to manage money and run a business, something is useful whether I'm going to be married or not! Right now, I'm praying about some options for starting a business of my own, something I'm nervous and excited about at the same time! :-)

From your blog it looks like you are passionate about Christian femininity. Do you have any help for us on how to be truly feminine from the inside out?

Femininity is one of my favorite things to talk about as you can probably tell! My views on femininity have changed so much over the past few years. One of the main things I've learned about femininity is that it isn't complicated as we usually make it out to be. It's not some legalistic moral code we have to follow. It's not even something we put on by ourselves. Femininity is something that we develop inside. It's the quiet beauty of a meek and gentle spirit mingled with the robust strength of a Proverbs 31 woman.True femininity for me is being a hard-working woman of God who trusts in Jesus to develop His humility, love, meekness, quietness and compassion in me. It's allowing myself to be changed from the loud, clamoring woman that Proverbs warns about to the Spirit-filled, meek and quiet woman of 1 Peter. Obviously, this will affect how I live out my days, how I dress, how I talk, what I listen to and watch, and how I relate to others. However, it all starts with me abandoning my ideals of womanhood and trading them for what Christ has called me to do...abide in Him. It's very freeing! :-)

Who is your favorite woman in the Bible?

Mary, the mother of Jesus is probably the woman I've learned the most from over the years from the Bible. Her example of humility and faithfulness despite very trying circumstances is a convicting inspiration to me. She had to know that she dealing with all manner of rejection and hate from her own people when she was found to be with child, and yet she willing to do what God had called her to do anyway. In fact, she magnified the Lord in spite of her trials! It's such a good example for my life. When I'm faced with rejection and trials, I want to be able to praise the Lord for His goodness in my life!

Visit Melinda's blog at radiantpurityandbeauty.blogspot.com, and follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest!

You can be featured too! Just drop us a line via our contact form to nominate yourself or another homeschool girl who is living large with Jesus.

The Best of 2012

Wow, Altogether Separate has been going strong for over a year now! We owe it all to this amazing community of girls. We just love inspiring and encouraging you, and hope to do it for a long time to come.

I thought it would be fun to have a look at the ten most popular blog posts from 2012. They cover a wide range of subjects, from gratitude, to life purpose, to family, to waiting for marriage. Check some out and see if one of them speaks to you:

32, a photo by Fidenaut on Flickr.

10. Be the Sister (Abigail): This is a personal story, something that I have learned—am learning—and hope can be of some help to those of you with siblings.

9. Femininity - Duchess, Cowgirl, or something else? (Devin): Femininity.... This is a word that I find conjures up many images in a girl's head when she hears it.

8. A Random Taste of What Is To Come.... (Devin): Our topic for the next two weeks will be on friendship! This should be an awesome two weeks as the topic is an important part of our lives and has taught so many of us so many lessons.

7. November 2012 Featured Girl: Micaela Wood: Micaela is 18 and lives in Downeast Maine. She's a PK (pastor's kid), the oldest of four children, and a homeschool high school graduate.

6. December 2012 Featured Girl: Julia Erickson: Julia is an artist, writer, dreamer, dancer, and a girl who enjoys finding sparkle in every day.

5. Waiting For Marriage...or Not. (Abigail): I don't think that God is calling you to wait for marriage.

4. The Shocking Truth About Family (Abigail): What's one of the worst things about homeschooling? You have to spend all day with your family. What's one of the best things about homeschooling? You have to spend all day with your family.

Image credit GabrielaP93 on Flickr.

3. Meet Our New Bloggirl!:  Heyyo! I'm Mary Kate, and I cannot begin express how excited I am to start blogging on Altogether Separate! God has truly blessed me with this awesome opportunity.

2. Wherever the Cross Takes Me... (Olivia): As children, my friends' future careers changed on almost a weekly basis. Most of them still have no idea what they're ultimately going to do with their lives, and they rub their temples as they choose a major and pray for God's guidance on the road ahead.

1. One Thousand Gifts Giveaway: One Thousand Gifts is a New York Times Bestselling book written by Ann Voskamp. Its purpose? Daring you to live fully right where you are by giving thanks in all things. We answer some controversy about this book in another post.

Thank you for sticking with us through one amazing year!

Please leave topic suggestions in the comment section of this post. We need to hear from you!

The F Word

This is a polarizing word, one that I instinctively cringe at. It's not taboo in Christian circles, in fact it is trumpeted from the rooftops and plastered all over pretty blogs covered in roses with sweet hymns playing in the background.

Femininity. 

It wasn't pushed on me as a child, but I have a cautionary tale about Christian homeschool girls who did have this word rammed down their throats from an early age. I’ll tell you the story of "Lucy," an amalgamation of 2 or 3 real girls.

Lucy was something of a tomboy. As soon as she could toddle around, she was playing in the dirt, fording streams, and mauling small animals. Her mother despaired. She longed for her girl to be a perfect little lady, a good example to other children. So she did what made sense to her: she shoved Lucy into pink dresses with puffed sleeves.

Original Photo: Pink Tutus, a photo by rustman on Flickr.

Lucy hates puffed sleeves. Ever tried to climb trees or chase cattle in a skirt? Not the easiest thing in the world. Besides that, puffy dresses and lace weren't to Lucy's personal taste (fashion ideas develop early, don't they?). But these things were "feminine," and God wants little girls to be feminine, right? So Lucy suffered in silence.

Now Lucy is in her twenties, and what is the last thing in the world she wants to be? You guessed it. Feminine. She's cut her hair short, bought some black shirts, and has nothing but jeans in her closet. Nothing, that is, except for one pink skirt. That's what she wears to church on Sundays. 

Why does she wear that skirt to church? It's a holdover from youth. She has the idea that this is what you're supposed to do. It’s somehow "holier," and should be worn at least once a week. She wears that skirt because her mother wants her to. The church wants her to. Maybe God wants her to.

What is true femininity? It has a lot to do with cultural norms,  with what is traditionally considered appropriate to women. The Biblical definition is 99% about character (as Devin pointed out, you can be feminine as a duchess or a cowgirl), and almost nothing to do with clothing. The Bible has very little to say about how women should dress (1 Timothy 2:9-10 is a rare and somewhat vague exception). 

Some girls like Lucy are shamed into flouncy clothes they dislike, others abandon femininity altogether as soon as they grow up. Plenty of girls—many of you, I'm sure—have no problem with pink and dresses (I certainly don't). There is nothing wrong about being feminine. God calls women to look, speak, and act like women, but I cringe at the word “femininity” because of so many bad examples.

We wade in dangerous waters when we put strict limits on what is and what is not feminine.

Here is the warning I feel led to give: be careful when you define what is "feminine" for another girl, especially when it comes to clothing. It is so easy to injure someone else’s spirit with judgmental words. More than likely, someone who is already set against femininity will run in the opposite direction and you’ll end up doing more harm than good.

Are we called to a high standard of holiness? Yes. 
Is it sometimes hard to be feminine in a culture of gender equality? Yes. 
Should we encourage other girls to act in a godly way? Yes. 
Must we be careful about the extra-biblical rules and regulations that we put down concerning dress and attitude? I believe so.

Have you or someone you know had an experience similar to Lucy’s? What is your working definition of femininity?

a biblical lady

lady - (n)

1. A well-mannered and considerate woman with high standards of proper behavior.

2. A woman regarded as proper and virtuous

There are all sorts of people in the world. There are loud people and quiet people, outgoing people and shy people, crafty people and wordy people, hands-on people and theoretical people. There are just as many divisions within the different genders as there are in the collective group. And that's where it gets a little hazy. The Bible is pretty clear on this point, in some cases--it's very plain that the "loose" woman and the "contentious, brawling" woman of Proverbs aren't women to be emulated. It's equally clear that women like Mary, the mother of Jesus, or Mary Magdalene, or Rachel, are most definitely pretty good role-models.

But what form does this take now, in the twenty-first century? After all, life is so much different now...right? 

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

It is very true that modern young women are in lack of a good assortment of role-models in the here and now. We can read about past women who reached the goal of being a 'virtuous woman'--what I think is probably the best Biblical term for the modern conception of 'lady'--but it's more difficult to find women that live up to that in the here and now. Yet they do exist. You can find them in the kind words they give, in the gentle spirit they possess, in the fact that they're the sort of people who you would give up, whose worth in wisdom and love and pure beauty of the soul is far above rubies.

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 

These virtuous women--these ladies--are strong. Not just in the physical sense (because some of them aren't at all; one of the most beautiful ladies I ever met was old and frail), but in the sense that they have a strength that manifests itself as an ability to listen and never get tired, to be the gentle corrector, to offer advice when it seems something is hopeless, to be the one people go to when they don't know where to turn. That sort of strength, it seems to me, is so much more important than being physically strong, or even mentally strong. To be strong in the heart is a great talent indeed.

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 

These ladies are generous. They are generous with their strength--with the time they spend listening and helping and crying with and praying for--they are generous with their resources and their hearts and their homes and their minds. Not only that, but they are selfless. They think of others before themselves, of what they can do to help another. This part of being a virtuous woman is, to me, more about the spiritual than the physical. It definitely has a physical side--for instance, very often spiritual ministering includes physical ministering. But there is a need in the spirit, a poorness about some people's hearts that must be tended. A true virtuous woman, one of God's 'ladies', can sense that, and tries her hardest to do something about it.

She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 

She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

A lady is industrious. None of the modern-day virtuous women I've met are idle. They have their moments, of course (I mean, how many of us honestly have not had those days where we just want to curl up with a good book and spend hours immersed in a fantastical world, a very safe cup of hot chocolate nestled against one hand to keep it warm?), but they have a plan, a set idea of what they want and how to get there, and what to do while they're getting there. They work for their families, with their families, for other people, with other people. And that's kind of an amazing thing, when you think about it. Other people are one of the wonders of the world, and this lady is able to not only be with them, but do things for and with them, to create and sell and earn and buy.

 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 

A lady is courageous, and respected because of it--mostly because she respects others. This will lead to great rejoicing, for she who lives in peace with all will be loved by all. Something like that. (Try to figure that out if you can; I'm not quite sure what part of my brain produced that, but it sounds cool.)

 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

A lady is wise, and kind, and kind in her wisdom. Someone once told me that the most important thing to think about when interacting with other people is "will this help me love this person more?" That is both part of wisdom, and much of kindness. The wisdom to know what to say (and, more importantly, when to say it), and the kindness to temper those words born of wisdom when needed.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

As always, in everything we do, there must be God in it. Every Godly lady I have ever met did not get there by her own effort. She is strong, but not without the Christ, which strengthens us. She is industrious, but not without the creativity given her by the One who created her hands. She is courageous, and gives respect to all, but not without the Holy Spirit to whisper to her words of truth about the people she meets. She is wise, and kind in her wisdom, but the beginning of all wisdom is God, and His word, and she would not know kindness but for the God who gave His all.

She fears the Lord, not in the sense that she trembles because of the punishment he could send, but that she adores and worships and is amazed by the awesome power that is His. She revels in the love and the beauty that is her God, she delights to learn more of him, to hear His words and see His work in her life. Everything she does is an outpouring, not of herself, but of the reflected light of Christ. She is a woman, not because of herself, but because of the One who holds her up with His mighty hand.

Femininity - Duchess, Cowgirl, or something else?

Femininity....

This is a word that I find conjures up many images in a girl's head when she hears it.  For some girls, they picture something from the "romantic" 1800's, or perhaps even early 1900's, or maybe you go even further back to medieval times.  Usually the image is of a young woman who is dressed in a beautiful dress doing something that we feel is a "feminine" activity.  For example, some would picture a woman sitting on a quilt at the beach with her parasol to shade her from the sun and book to engage her mind.  Perhaps you imagine a young lady on swing, her long hair softly moving in the breeze as she reads to a younger sibling.  Maybe it is a woman decorating a Christmas tree with a warm fire glow illuminating the room. Most of the time it a picture of someone who is "put together" in our expectations of femininity, doing something we think is feminine.

 

Which picture of Princess Kate is more feminine to you?  Each of us has our own view of femininity.

Whatever it is, it is usually NOT a woman cleaning out a barn with muck boots on, or scrubbing the kitchen floor with her arms covered in suds, or shoveling out a path way to the barn after a snow storm etc. :)  I know for me, I tend to romanticize my picture of femininity.  There is nothing wrong with the images I portrayed first, as long as we realize that that is not the only side of godly femininity.

Melinda, over at Radiant Purity and True Beauty did a short and sweet post on Femininity and I want to share a quote from her:

"Femininity is something that we develop inside. It's the quiet beauty of a meek and gentle spirit mingled with the robust strength of a Proverbs 31 woman. It's not talking softly, dressing like a southern belle, wearing pink, putting on lots of makeup and spending hours fixing ones hair. It's being a dignified woman of character and strength while instilling meekness, compassion, quietness, humility and sweetness of spirit in our hearts."

Colossians 3:12 says, ""Put on the garments that suit God's chosen people, His own, His beloved--compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience."

We can dress in beautiful "feminine" outfits, doing "feminine" things, but if our hearts and character are not focused on becoming more Christ like, then we are not exhibiting true femininity.

Femininity is about serving God and surrendering to the Holy Spirit's control in our lives.

To God, a feminine lady is one who puts on the armor of God.  One who displays the fruit of the Spirit in her life, because her heart is surrendered to Him.  She is loving, generous, humble, kind, gentle, willing to serve, careful with her words, shares the gospel.....a reflection of Jesus. 

Dressing to go to a Christmas concert, curling our hair, adding that hint of eye liner, taking great care to look "feminine" is not wrong, but how we act and think when unpleasant circumstances occur will show how feminine we really are.  Because femininity, I feel,  is in many ways another word for godliness/ Christ-likeness.

P.S. Jasmine Bauchmann wrote a beautiful post about femininity here, that I think you all would enjoy :)