When Trust Doesn't Come Easy

I once wondered how anyone couldn't trust God. "He's the creator of the universe, the Alpha and Omega, he sent his son to die on the cross for us. What's not to trust?" 

Then I went to Bible school.

That experience challenged me in ways I'm still figuring out. At Capernwray I learned that I have major trust issues with my heavenly father. If you're familiar with my past posts, you know that I'm something of a perfectionist, a "good girl" who is passionate about doing everything the right way. What I'm beginning to realize is that this passion for perfection is not always driven by an all-American drive to succeed; more often it is a product of fear. Skull-crushing, heart-thumping, stomach-turning, blood-draining fear. 

And it's stopped me short of adventure my whole life.

People marvel at how I succeed at everything I turn my hand to. Sure, I have some natural talents, but do you want to know the dirty little secret behind my success? I never attempted anything I thought I could fail at. If the going got tough, I got going--in the other direction. The things that I had to muscle through (i.e. algebra) I abandoned as quickly as possible. In other endeavors where I was less-than-brilliant, I kept dragging along in misery day after day, unwilling to admit that I was a "failure" and quit instead of wasting any more time (i.e. piano). 

That was a dreary battle. 

Bible school taught me (again) that God's power is perfected not in my strength, but in my weakness. "Really? I don't have to be fantastic at everything I set my hand to? God can use me even when I'm not succeeding?" That's what I read in the Bible. That's the message I heard from the lectern.

So then the biggest test of my life came, right at the end of term. I was offered a job at the Bible school as an office assistant for one year. 

Can you imagine my fear? This sounds like the perfect opportunity: the job seems to fit me perfectly, the atmosphere is wonderful, the staff wants me to come on board, the school is located in England (a country I've always been absurdly passionate about)...what's not to love? Well, the thought that I would be away from my family for a year is enough to rip my heart out and stomp it into the dust (Homeschool girls, you know how close we are to our families!). At the same time, every indicator shows that this is God's will for me--confirmation from friends and family, circumstances working out perfectly--how can I ignore this clear call?

It comes down to trusting God. 

After several weeks of tearing my hair out, crying, seeking counsel, praying and praying and praying and crying out to God, I've come to the place where I believe this is God's will for me. He's giving me this chance, holding out the frightening opportunity to go out on a limb and do something entirely outside my comfort zone, breaking away from everything I've ever known to do something he's calling me toward. 

Would you take the leap? Would you ignore the pain in your heart and the angst in your spirit and say, "Yes, Lord, I'm going to follow you"? 

I've decided to take the job, and am now working toward getting my work visa and buying another ticket to fly to England this September. To tell the truth, I still don't feel good about it. I haven't experienced anything miraculous that I would call "the peace of God," but still I know that this is a chapter of the story that God wants me to write. Maybe the fear will go away, maybe it won't, but I know that trusting God is never a risk. He is faithful. He is the creator of the universe. No matter how I feel, he is with me and he cares for me, and he will reward those who diligently seek him.

Adjust Your Sails

A guest post by Jessica P.

Imagine you are on a boat. You are enjoying the sun shining down on you. You breath in deeply and relish the scent of salty freshness. You look out over glistening, azure waters and sigh blissfully. If only life could always be this good. But it can't. In the distance you see dark clouds looming and soon enough, you find yourself in the midst of a storm. Your thoughts are muddled. You are fearful as the wind picks up and angry that God has allowed you to be in this situation, and most of all, you feel completely lost. As the rain beats down against the deck of the boat, you look out from the helm and realize you can't see the shoreline anymore. Both the rain and your own tears have blurred your vision. Suddenly, it's clear that you no longer stand in a position of control.

Storm Sailor, a photo by Abaconda on Flickr.

There are so many experiences you can have in a boat. There are days when there is no wind and you are just floating out there, dead in the water. Then there are times when you get bashed around in the waves. And there are some days when the winds are constantly changing directions and you have to keep adjusting your sails in order to move forward.

Life is like that. Events and circumstances come up that we weren't expecting and we have to adjust. I have experienced many such instances in my life. Loved ones fall sick, finances grow tight, friendships fall apart... and through it all, it can be hard not to feel disheartened.

Taking Peter as an example (Matthew 14:28-30), we need to make sure that our focus isn't on the circumstances, but on God. When you focus on the waves, fear and worry tend to set in. But when we focus on God, we are able to find strength, courage, joy, love, and comfort.

Going through life's storms can be a humbling experience. However, remember this – in our weakness, God is glorified. When we can't fix things in our own strength, it only stands as a testimony of God's goodness.

Satan will try his hardest to rock the boat and make you drown. But take heart. God is on your side. Keep your eyes on your spiritual compass. Let God be your guide when you can't see ahead of you. And remember, above all, God loves you and wants what is best for you, even if it takes a storm to draw you closer to Him.

Jessica is a Christian young lady striving to serve God in everything she does. She is also a home-school graduate. She loves all sorts of crafts, but has a special place in her heart for all things writing. She blogs at Literary Pursuits, Young Homemakers, Meditations Of His Love, and Meditations Of His Love Daily. 

mr. right

I'm pretty sure that, at some point, all little girls dream about something very similar. We all want a perfect wedding, with a special someone waiting at the end of the aisle for us. Many girls (/coughtotallynotmehonestcough) have had their entire wedding, from dress options to reception goodies, planned out since they were old enough to realize mommy and daddy had had a wedding, that this whole wedding thing was desirable, and that boys weren't all that bad. Some girls actually go so far as to cut out the man entirely, and plan a huge bash solely for their own benefit, in the naive hope that they can have a wedding without actually, you know, getting married. Thankfully, that stage ends right about at ten, and never really comes back.

It goes without saying that the future is a question with a lot riding on it. Even more than that is the question of who we're going to spend half of our lives with, and sometimes longer. So, to my mind at least, it's very important that we get this right. There are various ideas as to how exactly we can get it right.

Some girls choose the path of experimentation. They go through a variety of boyfriends, never quite settling down with any one, excusing it with the idea that they're saving up a list of characteristics they want, or just testing to see what they like, or just goofing off while they're young because YOLO, right? More than just spending time with guys and "dating", though, many girls also end up giving themselves in some form to one or more of the guys they date. Be it a few kisses, a few emotional concessions, or a night spent together in secret, they often go farther than they should, and realize too late that it's a mistake, that they shouldn't have ever gotten involved. Some of these girls have had "lines" that they weren't willing to cross.

I've seen so many girls give themselves away to someone who wasn't willing to be there for the rest of his life. He wasn't willing to embark upon a life spent together. Yet time and again, girls continue trusting, giving everything to someone who is undeserving. Is this what God intended for us, his daughters?

I would give an emphatic no in answer. I believe that God said:

...I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11, NJKV)

He knows your future, every little side-plot and roadblock, every plot twist and turn, everything that has ever happened or ever will. He knows what you will name your children and, in their turn, he knows everything that will happen to them. He's got it covered, down to every single last, seemingly insignificant detail. He knows who you're going to marry, who will be the perfect fit to round out your service, to perfectly complement your personality and skills and make your future life the best it can be.

So trust him. Don't think you have to "shop around" to find that one perfect guy who will complete you. Don't think you have to do something to find God's best for you. He'll bring it. Wait for your Mr. Right, because I know God's got it covered.

Living Above Worry and Stress

Worry and stress both sink their roots into one thing. Fear. Will I get there in time? What will others think? How will this ever work? The questions that plague us day in and day out, worrying at our hearts until they're frayed and desperate, are not the kind of questions that Jesus asked. "Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin.... If then God so clothes the grass...how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith" (Luke 12:27-28).


I have struggled with stress for a very long time. I'm a perfectionist at heart, so when anything goes wrong, or it just looks like it might go wrong, I become a basket case. Yet I know that a life of tension is not what God wants for us! So when I saw this Bible study guide by Women of Faith, Living Above Worry and Stress, I knew that it was the right thing to get.

I love the format of the WoF study guides. Engaging stories and personal narratives are sprinkled through clusters of thought-provoking questions, with plenty of blank space to scribble down your thoughts and ideas. At the end of every chapter there is a little "trinket to treasure," a picture of an item that is supposed to help you remember the lesson. The leader's guide at the back of the book contains extra information and clarity for nearly every question.

I just finished the guide this morning, and it has given me so many insights that I would love to share with all of you! If you deal with worry or stress at all then I highly recommend getting this book for yourself, but here is a "tasting dish" of insights I gleaned from my studies.

• So many times we lose our perspective and get caught up in 1,000,001 things, most of which are not vitally important. Make a catalog of your duties and responsibilities (regular events which must be planned, church involvement, work, homemaking, etc.). Put the world back in focus and get a grip on your schedule. 
• Fear is universal. When you're distracted by "what-ifs" and find no rest in your pillow, remember that some of the greatest heroes of the Bible (Jacob, David, Solomon, Hezekiah, Peter) were all afraid of something. The Lord is our strength in these times, and He longs to take away our fears! What is your greatest fear and how can God dispel it?
• Do a character study on Mary and Martha in the Bible. They are mentioned in Luke 10:38-42, John 11 and John 12:1-8. Learn from these two women and record your insights.
• Feel like you need more joy? Worry throttles joy. Humility and thankfulness banish worry.
• This illustration put things in such clear and relatable terms for me, "Many of us scoop more onto our plates than we can handle in a day. It all looks good. A little more couldn't hurt. But pretty soon we realize our ambitions were bigger than our time. That's when stress begins to weigh us down. Do you have too much on your plate?"  
• Living in the moment. That's where the secret lies. If I'm concentrating on right now, I can see God's grace covering it. Move away from that towards stressing about the past or worrying about the future, and I'm disobeying God; I'm moving out from His protection. 
• When you feel the urge to frown, raise your eyebrows! It works wonders.

Flower for a Friend, a photo by Pink Sherbet Photography on Flickr. 

I won't say that this study guide has solved all of my stress and worry problems, but the scriptures I have studied and the stories I've read have emphasized three important things:

1. Stress and worry are not God's plan for me.
2. God is bigger than my stress and worry and wants to overcome them.
3. I must hand my fears over to the Prince of Peace every single day.

As homeschooled girls, we can take an awful lot on ourselves. The important thing is that we give it all to God. I hope that you will be able to conquer your worry and stress, through Christ who strengthens you!

Honestly??!!

Hello friends,

The next two weeks we will be having random posts about different things that are important to us.  Whether they be personal lessons we are learning, things we are passionate about, things that excite us or whatever else that the Lord lays on our hearts.

I've been reading lots of posts lately that talk about being honest and personal with you, our readers.  I can understand where these bloggers are coming from, as I can relate to so many of them that open their hearts and let the world see that they are not perfect and I'm thankful that they shared with their readers.  However, I've always struggled with sharing personal things on posts and today was no different as I struggled to figure out what to share with all of you.   I try so hard to look the part of a perfectly content, patient, kind, loving, purposeful, thankful and you can add whatever else you want that fits what you think is the steryotype of a Stay-At-Home-Daughter.  I may be the only homeschooled person most of the people I see, may come into contact with and I want them to have a positive picture in their mind.  I want people to see Christ's reflection in me and desire it for themselves.  I want to live a life that is filled with purpose and have a relationship with my heavenly Father that is never shaken.  I want to wake up every morning with a smile in my heart that comes from thoughts that are focused on Him.  My problem is that only God is perfect and I fail every single day at being that "perfect person."

Today was one of those days that I woke up very depressed.  There was not a smile in my heart and it wasn't a morning that I was looking forward to having devotions with my heavenly Father.  The sun may have been shining outside, but there was a thunderstorm brewing in my soul.  I think we all have days like that, but it's not something that we want to share, because it is not supposed to happen!  Even though we all know in our hearts that no one is perfect, our flesh and Satan make us feel like we are the only ones this happens to and that if anyone knew what we were thinking or how we were feeling they would think we were failures and horrible people.

Even though I knew in my heart and I knew what the Bible said, I was struggling with thoughts about God's love for me.  I felt like He knew everything that was going to happen in my life and that my prayers didn't even matter.  That although He made me, He was not fulfilling His promise of being a personal God......I know, NOT TRUE!, but it was how I was feeling!!

To top if off, I had a post to write for all of you about something that was personal.....Have you tried to write something that is supposed to be heartfelt and "spiritual" and you know that your heart isn't right?  It just isn't possible.  So I put off writing all day and God quietly worked in my life throughout the day.

First off, I was able to have the rain shower those thunder clouds were holding in my soul, with my Mom and shed the tears and release the tension that was building up inside of me.  She pointed me to Him, but the thunderclouds still stayed despite their being fully emptied. However, the release of tension was the start of His plan in calming me down. 

As we worked on different projects throughout the day, my mind calmed down and I saw the different lies I was believing about myself and then the Lord led me to watch the video posted below.  It was posted by a fellow Pinterest/Blogger friend and was such an incredible blessing to me.  The title of the video is "Father's Love Letter" and is truly beautiful.   I'm sure it has different versions of the Bible used in it, but the message is still the same.

It used all those verses that reminded me of His love, care, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness.  His forgiveness, His example, His guidance, His personal plan for each of us, His working in our lives and His promises to us.  It was exactly what this imperfect, fearful sinner needed to hear.

Then guess what happened....I got on my blogger dashboard to see what the people I follow have been writing and "Journey in the South" had a post titled "Why Live?"......The titled intrigued me as it was exactly what I had been asking myself.

Here is an excerpt from the post:

"There are things I have to do.

Questions I have to answer.

People I need to see.

People who NEED me: my little sister, my Mom, the kids at RU.

There's a life I need to live and a purpose that still needs to be fulfilled.

There's an adventure waiting just around the bend.

There's a Bible waiting for me to open it and gain wisdom and knowledge.

There are people who need my prayers - need me to get out of bed and get on my knees.

There's a reason for everything, so there must be a reason I'm here, and I don't want to miss it.

There is God, who wants me to follow Him. Because no one has the same journey as me that He has mapped out Himself and made me for."

God gave me what I needed to bring my focus back on Him and I'm thankful that He did.  He gave me the courage to share this with you and I'm thankful He did :]  I'm not perfect, but God still loves me.  I'm not perfect and never will be on this earth, but He still treasures me and I can cling to His promises that never fail.  Will I still fail? Yes, every day.  Will He still be there to help me stand?  Yes, every day.

Photo Credit: icanthrugod.tumblr.com

I found a quote on Pinterest that I thought expressed my feelings exactly and it is what I want to close with.

"I can't brag about my love for God because I fail Him daily.  But I can brag about

 His love for me because it never fails." 

 Praise the Lord!

looking at that mountain

I can do all things...

There are some things in life that are, quite simply, just hard. Staring up at them, I think, "God, what is this, and why is it mine to take care of?" And all at once, I start to realize that yeah, it is really huge, and there's no way I can move it, and I get stressed and worried and it's this endless cycle that just keeps getting worse and worse the longer it goes on. This is something I've struggled with a lot in the past, ever falling and trying to get back up again--and failing more often than not.

...through Christ...

But there's something we have to realize. And that's that the huge mountain we're facing can't be budged by us. It's too huge. That feeling of being swamped, of insufficient strength, is very accurate. We, by ourselves, can't do a thing to help ourselves. Yes, Jesus said "faith as a mustard seed" will remove a mountain...but he wasn't saying that we would do it if we just believed in ourselves. He was saying "believe in me; I'll do it. Just believe; I'll take care of the rest."

...which strengthens me.

Overcoming the Challenges!

What verses in the Bible do we find challenging?.......................................

This topic should be fun! 

When I use the word "challenge", what exactly do I mean by that?  Well, Websters 1828 Dictionary says,

CHALLENGE, n. Literally, a calling, or crying out, the primary sense of many words expressing a demand, as claim. Hence appropriately,

1. A calling upon one to fight in single combat; an invitation or summons, verbal or written, to decide a controversy by a duel. Hence the letter containing the summons is also called a challenge.



Credit given to Google images



2. A claim or demand made of a right or supposed right.

There must be no challenge of superiority.

So, when I say "What verses in the Bible are challenging?" I see the word meaning in this context, "What is God "claiming" or "demanding" of us (we who have been bought with a price and owe Him our allegiance).  What verses does He call us to obey and it is a struggle for us to fulfill them?

Well, which verse do I choose.  I am far from perfect and struggle every day to fulfill the commands of Christ and still I fail every day.  Yet I can wake every morning with thankfulness, knowing that:

Lamentations 3:21-23 "But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Everyday is challenge for me to wake up with a positive outlook on life.  It is very easy for me to see the negatives and feel defeated before I even get up out of bed.  The verse that comes to mind the most is:

Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

Whew! This is a hard one for me.  Some days are easier than others, but it can be difficult to constantly remind myself to think on things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely and of good report.  Sometimes the battle against the flesh and the spiritual battle we face can be overwhelming.





Credit given to google images

 However, if I am to take the challenge God has placed before me, then removing the negatives from my mind must happen first and then I must replace them with things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely and of good report (THJPL&GR).

So.....what things are "THJPL&GR?"  Well, God's Word would be the first place to look. Here are some of my favorite verses that I've been memorizing to help with thinking on the things that He is challenging me to think on.

Joshua 1:8 "This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success."

Psalm 16:11 "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Matthew 26:41 "Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

Galations 6:9 "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

Ephesians 2:10 "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

God's Word is True, Honest, Just, Pure, Lovely, and of Good Report.  There is nothing else that we could fill our minds with and think on, that would be better than His Word.  The very first verse that I mentioned (Joshua 1:8) talks about meditating on His Word day and night "so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it."  We have to meditate and be familiar with His Word in order to be able to do what He has called, commanded, or challenged us to do.  "then you will have good success."

When we are struggling with trials that have been placed in our lives we need to claim the promises of God and find the encouragement we need in the Fortress of "Trust In Him."  When we trust that He is in control and think on things that are "THJPL&GR" then we can be sure that we are inside His fortress and can see through the "positive glasses" that God will have the victory over sin and all evil one day.  We are surrounded by battle flags of victory if we would claim them for ourselves.

Credit given to google images

Battle Flags like:

Psalm 34:8 "Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!"

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."

1 Corinthians 2:9 "But, as it is written, 'What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.'"

Isaiah 40:31 "but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

Psalm 18:2 "The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."

Psalm 119:105 "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."

When we are feeling defeated, we need to think on these verses and so many others.  God's challenges to us are not impossible.  They are not unthinkable and unachievable.  He is our strength, our shield, our refuge, our fortress, our deliverer, our rock, our guide, our leader, our Savior, our Creator, our GOD.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through him who strengthens me."   

2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

Be Perfect

Your culture (no matter what culture you live in) is constantly telling you that you must be perfect. Perfect hair, perfect weight, perfect popularity…. And as homeschoolers you’ve probably got another set of expectations from your parents or friends. Perfect test scores, perfect spelling bees, perfect college entrance exams…. Did you know that Jesus is telling us to be perfect too?

 “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

                                                                                   -Matthew 5:48

But this is a different kind of perfection: real perfection. The world will be happy if you only look perfect on the surface, and they don’t care what kind of hell you have to go through to get there. Jesus commands us to be perfect all the way through. As C.S. Lewis put it:

When He said , "Be perfect," He meant it. He meant that we must go in for the full treatment. It is hard; but the sort of compromise we are all hankering after is harder — in fact, it is impossible. It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.

-C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I want to be "an ordinary, decent egg." There are some things I don't think Jesus can iron out of me — if I'm honest I'd say that there are things that I don't want Him to iron out — but that's not what He has offered me. As Olivia posted on Wednesday, "God created for us a new man in true righteousness and holiness" (Ephesians 4:24). A new man. A new perfect man. Not kind-of-perfect, not almost-there.

So how is this supposed to work? We're humans, right? We're flawed, that's in our nature. We can follow a lot of rules and do a pretty good job if given enough time, but perfection is asking a lot. Not only do we not stand much of a chance of ever reaching perfection, but what about the past, what about those less-than-stellar things that we did last year, or last week? My perfectionist tendencies clench and snap under the strain of such high expectations.

But the whole point of what Jesus is saying is that we can't do it! He's not asking us to do the impossible, He's commanding us to be supernatural. It comes down to something that you probably heard in Sunday School, but may never have truly internalized and accepted as true: it’s about Jesus’ perfection, not ours. If we are relying on any part of ourselves to please the Lord, then we’re straying from the path of true righteousness and true beauty. You thought that pleasing your peers was hard? Try pleasing the God of the universe.

There is so much beauty in the way Jesus works on us! Lettie B. Cowman wrote, "We must not be fainthearted because we are consciously poor instruments. The main question is in the mastery of Him who uses the instruments." In 1 Corinthians Paul speaks of us having “treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." We are supposed to look like clay right now, but God is molding our jars.

If you’re trusting in your own goodness, your own humility, your own hard work, your own gentle spirit, your own generosity or anything else to make you pleasing to God or to iron out your inner ugliness, stop dead right now. We will never measure up by ourselves; dependence on our own goodness, rationality, etc. is like hanging onto a spider’s web to save ourselves from falling. There’s a perfectly sturdy rope within reach—it’s Jesus, and it costs nothing to grab on to it, nothing except laying yourself down as if in death.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified. 

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?

Romans 8:28-31

We are all eggs, and God is going to teach us how to fly. Don't get frustrated with your egg-iness. Maybe you don't look like a bird to yourself or to others, but that's how God sees you. A dear friend of mine told me just yesterday, "Satan keeps track of our sins, God keeps track of our potential." How wonderful to know that we might look like eggs, but in Christ we're nightingales. We're perfect, and it's none of our doing.

How are you like an egg right now? How are you learning to fly on Jesus' wings?

Egg, a photo by MinimalistPhotography101.com on Flickr.
The Potter's Hands, a photo by bingbing on Flickr.

Grace for the Good Girl

I was born a Good Girl. I was raised in a Christian household, the oldest child, academically inclined, a dedicated Christian, never went through that "teenage rebellion" stage, worked with the family, getting a college education--that's me. I'm always striving for perfection, to do everything "right". What does "right" mean, exactly? It means the absolute best I can do, and more than that. All my life I've gone through a punishing cycle of longing to be good enough and then failing my own wildly outrageous expectations. If my essay is given a grade of 97% I tend to think, what about the other 3%? If I pray for 5 minutes I tend to think, shouldn't I pray for 10? My life is dominated by ratios and statistics and scores and rates. I'm not really negative, just driven. And I always thought that was a good thing.

Are you like a Good Girl?

Emily P. Freeman, author of Grace for the Good Girl, opened my eyes to a world where I don't have to strive for Jesus' approval, or my family's and friends' approval, or my own approval. I am a Good Girl because of Christ's redeeming blood, not because I earn high grades, or pray a lot, or witness to thousands, or always wear a smile. I am a daughter of the King because of who He is, not because of who I am.

It's such a simple concept--one that I've heard in a variety of contexts for years--but Emily brings it all home with stories and examples from her own life and the lives of other women that make me cry tears of identification and beautiful relief. I'm not alone! I'm not the only girl who's longed to be good enough and can never, never, never be good enough. I'm only halfway through Grace for the Good Girl right now, but I'm consuming every page with avid eagerness, waiting to discover more secrets about myself that I never guessed (and there are many), learning from the mistakes and heartaches of women who have walked the path I'm walking to its bitter, galling end.

It's a book that might very well change my life.

The life of a Good Girl is all about her Mask: the thing that hides all of her insecurities and guilt and substitutes a lovely facade which everyone looks at and says, "Wow, what a beautiful girl!" We love our Masks because they protect us, but they scare us because we know what will happen if they drop away--everyone will see us for what we truly are. 

There are many different flavors of Good Girl. Maybe you don't strive for academic perfection, but your Mask is a good reputation that you would do anything to protect. Are you always hiding behind the "I'm fine" response, constantly wearing a smile and hoping that no one realizes that you're being ripped apart inside? Perhaps you're like the biblical Martha, hiding behind your acts of service, working and working and working for acceptance. Perhaps you're a rule follower who hides behind spiritual disciplines, doing all the right things in the right order and coming up empty from the well of eternal life. Do you hide behind a Mask of strength and responsibility? Perhaps you would do anything to please the people you love--even deny yourself an opinion and personality of your own--or you might identify with the older brother in the story of the prodigal son (that's me!) and feel sharp, grating anger when you don't get rewarded for your hard work and the undeserving get their socks blessed off.

These are just a few symptoms of "Good Girl-ness". They will eventually lead you and me to a place of self-sufficient hardness, pride, ingratitude, and crushing inadequacy. Can it be cured? Emily is teaching me how to receive, remain, respond, and remember the amazing grace of Christ. He does have grace--even for Good Girls. 

I can't wait to finish this book, and I hope that if you see any resemblance to yourself in the descriptions above that you will snap it up as soon as possible (it's $11.19 on Amazon). Watch the video below and hear from other women who have realized the pitfalls of their Good Girl-ness...and lived to tell about it.

For a more complete review, see parchmentgirl.com

My name is Abigail Rogers, and I'm a good girl.

Prayer: Our Link To An Amazing Relationship

I would like to invite you to open your imagination with me for a few minutes and allow me to paint a few strokes across your canvas.

It's early in the month of October.  You are looking at a brilliant colored sunrise just peeking over the edge of the Atlantic Ocean.  You know the type I mean; scarlet red, deep, rich orange, with hints of pink softening the edges.  The first rays of sunlight streaming through the clouds.

You can hear the soft "slap, slap, slap" of the waves as they ripple across the shoreline and almost smell that salty spray, while the colors from the sunset are reflected.

Sitting on the sand close together with their eyes captivated by the sunrise before them, you will find a young couple.  Both are unaware of the beauty that is radiating from them.  Joy is reflected in their eyes.  Peace and trust are found in they way they are sitting.  There is truly a sense of deep contentment in their presence.

Behind them are the rocky cliffs of the Maine shoreline followed by wave upon wave of the rich, pure colors found in the New England foliage.

The young man looks down at the woman he loves with a love she can not imagine.  He holds her hand with such gentleness as it rests between the pages of a book he wrote for her.  You see, the young man can not verbally speak to her, but he can and does write to her.  He can write of his love for her, his plans for their future, he can encourage her and give her the leadership and guidance she desires.  He fulfills every longing  she has had and is the one she has given her heart to.

The young woman looks at the sunrise and the waters reflecting its beauty and a tear comes to her eye.  What had she done to deserve such love.  Nothing. She looks into the eyes of her young man and reads within them the love, forgiveness and understanding she has sought for.

He points at the sunrise and sweeps his arm across the ocean and then behind them to the beauty that surrounds them.  She nods her head.  She understands.  He has made everything for her.  It was one more way He showed her how much he cared for her. 

She rests her head on his shoulder.  There was no place she would rather be.  The more time she spent with him the closer they became.  Whenever she had a question or needed help, he was there and had written something in their special book to encourage, direct and guide her.  No matter the time of day, no matter the situation, he helped her and she could rest in knowing he was in control of everything.

Yes, this was an allegory.  An allegory to what I believe God wants my relationship and your relationship  to be with Him.  Just as the girl knew that she was safest and happiest in his presence, so must I learn to spend more time with Him and seek His face.

If you were that young lady, wouldn't you want to spend all your time with Him.  Talking with Him about everything because your heart was held safely with Him.

The girl's relationship would not grow unless she spent the time.  How many relationships do you know that grow stronger and stronger everyday, when there is no communication, no thoughts towards the other person, no time spent cultivating the relationship?  I don't know of one.

God loves us more than we can imagine.  He can and will fulfill every desire that comes from Him.  However we won't experience that joy, peace and complete trust found in the presence of the young couple, with our Heavenly Prince, unless we spend the time with Him and cultivate that relationship.  Talk to Him.  He wants us to.

I've read many times how people have spent hours praying with God and I've thought to myself, "How do they do that?  How do they spend that much time praying and staying focused while finding that much to pray about?".....And then I read Sarah Mally's book (I talked about this book in my first post).  She gave an example of how to pray for an hour.  Breaking it up into 5 minute increments.  Her example was:

5 minutes ~ Worship

5 minutes ~ Thanksgiving

5 minutes ~ Confession

5 minutes ~ Pray Psalms to the Lord

5 minutes ~ Pray for your authorities

5 minutes ~ Pray for your missionaries

5 minutes ~ Pray for your unsaved family and friends

5 minutes ~ Other general requests

5 minutes ~ Ask for wisdom, grace, and humility is specific areas in which you know you need to change

5 minutes ~ Personal requests

5 minutes ~ Ask God for abundant blessing

5 minutes ~ Praise and Thanksgiving [1]

Obviously you can personalize the list, but you would be surprised how fast time goes! When I tried it the first time, I found I had to give more time to certain requests and the hour was gone.  It was a special time, and when I finished, it reminded me of how I feel after I've had a long talk with a friend that I haven't seen in ages. - An inner joy at having shared with each other things that have happened in our lives and knowing that the link between the two of us has grown stronger.
If that young man was your fiancee or husband we would make the time and plan ahead.  Just think how much God loves us and how important our relationship with Him is.  We need to plan it into our day and spend the time.  He is our dream Prince Charming if only we would only spend the time.

Footnotes: 1. Before You Meet Prince Charming by Sarah Mally pg. 217



Don't Dream. Do.

Image credit BaronBrian on Flickr

I don't know about you, but the coming of the new year is usually a sad time for me. As others discuss the year that has gone and all the things they did and the wonderful memories they made, I realize just how little I've done with the precious gift of life given to me.
The thing is, when people talk about living life to the fullest, they often mean physical feats; skydiving, perhaps, pocketing money to travel Europe, or embarking on a new business venture.

That's all well and good, but it isn't exactly practical or possible for some of us to do those things. I'm just a lowly highschooler! My parents don't have the money for a big trip, or anything so exciting, so what can I do but sit around and wait till I'm old enough to do something with my life?

By the time 2011 came around, I'd had enough of it. Maybe I couldn't visit London. Maybe I couldn't go to Harvard. Maybe I had a chronic illness that prevented me from doing things. Maybe I couldn't serve God the way I wanted to, by leaving all my earthly possessions behind and suffering the harsh winters of Mongolia as a missionary.

But I could--and always can--serve God the way He wants me to.

So in 2011, I pushed myself to the limit making the most of my precious little time on earth. I read the Bible cover-to-cover. I spent many sweet hours in prayer for the afflicted, the oppressed, and the lost. I devoted myself more than ever to my studies and attacked math problems with vigor (although not with a paper shredder, as I would have liked to).

But the most important things I did were not physical actions. They were matters of the heart. I severed my attachment to the material things of this world. I let go of the past. I presented my troubles to God. I realized that my present trials serve not to hinder but to prepare me for my future by instilling the qualities--the perseverance, the patience, the trust, the empathy--that I will need later in life. I submitted, even in the midst of agony, to whatever may be in God's will.

And in things like these, I took up my cross and followed Him.

The biggest things in life are often the simplest. So even if you aren't yet in a position to work your dream job, or to become a mother and raise children, or whatever your passion may be, remember that each passing moment is an opportunity to ready yourself for the future--either spiritually, mentally, or physically. And the longer you have to wait, the more prepared you will be--if you take advantage of your time to prepare.

No matter how impossible that passion of yours seems, either financially or physically or otherwise, if God wants it to, it will happen. No matter how far-fetched it sounds that I could serve in Mongolia in my current condition, if that's what He tells me He wants, He will give me the strength to serve. And if that's not what He wants? He must have something even better planned.

Life is an occupation of unknown duration. Don't waste it dreaming. Live it doing.

Dreaming Big in 2012

We all have faith. Whether small or large, no matter the degree, we all have faith. We have faith that, in the morning, the sun will rise. We have faith that the moon won't suddenly decide to crash into the planet. We have faith that the laws of physics will remain in place. We have faith that our desk chair will hold us up. We have faith that God exists.

But sometimes, I wonder if we don't let that faith carry us through existence like a life-raft, and don't consider just what it is and how much it could be. We settle for the life-raft when we could have a yacht.

God has called us to a life of radical, life-changing faith. To demonstrate just what this faith implies, Jesus once told his disciples:

If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

I'm sure we've all seen a mountain, if only in pictures. It's a majestic crag of rock, a piece of tectonic plate that got shoved up towards the sky. Mountains are the stuff of poetry, literature, and song. There's just something about them that inspires the human imagination. Perhaps it's the immutable nature of their existence. In any case, they're impressive.

Compare to that majesty a mustard seed. It's so tiny, it's practically insignificant. Yes, it has the potential to be something relatively great--at least, greater than it is--but it's completely unimpressive. The idea of this tiny seed being more powerful than a mountain must have provoked a few laughs from Jesus' listeners. They might have thought something like--first he goes on about camels passing through needle eyes, and now he's talking about a mustard seed moving a mountain!

But that was Jesus' whole point. Yes, it's laughable that a tiny mustard seed could move a mountain. And, in the midst of his parable, he was pointing out that it probably is laughable that a tiny bit of faith could carry a person through the toughest trials. We look at all our problems, no matter what they are, and then turn to God and say, "God, what's going on?" Sometimes, we get to looking at our mustard seed of faith and then at the mountain of our problems and we become hopeless. We wonder why God would give us so little faith to carry us through. So we're reduced to tears as we pray, hoping God will work a miracle.

But Jesus didn't want us to become hopeless as we consider the mustard seed-vs-mountain analogy. No, of course not. This was supposed to inspire, to build up. Jesus was saying that yes, your faith may be small. But it can change your life, and the lives of the people around you. You can move mountains through faith.

So, as we go into 2012, consider this: faith is life-changing. Faith is the most important thing. Don't be afraid to test it. Don't be afraid to dream big. God wants us to dream big! He wants us to attempt to move mountains, because he'll always be there to help us, to give us a hand. To answer our prayers and blow our minds. Give him a chance to do that this year.

This is a quasi-companion post to one I made on Teenage Musings.