but god, i can't wait

We live in a culture of instant gratification. From 24-hour supermarkets to fast food restaurants to credit cards, our culture knows what it wants, and it wants it now. We get frustrated when we walk into a Walmart and they don't have butter, and if our order tarries longer than five minutes, we get mad and probably launch a few choice insults toward the management and staff of the McDonalds. Wherever we are, whatever we're doing, we don't want to wait.

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:31

For thus saith the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength... - Isaiah 30:15

I chose to focus on two verses this week, mostly because I can't ever pick one favorite. But the former has been on my heart a lot lately, and in my quest for something to explain exactly what 'wait' means, I came upon the latter. I think it's a pretty good definition.

I have trouble waiting, with being patient, with sitting back and watching God work. There are times where I'm pretty good at it (and I've gotten better over the years): where I can sit by and let God take the wheel. But then, inevitably, I remember that my deadline is coming up, or I'm going to miss something important. And, like always, I try to wrest control away from God. I try to tell him that I can totally handle it way better than he can and, anyway, I know all the circumstances better than he does, so he should really just step aside before he gets hurt.

Of course, I don't phrase it that way in my head. But that's pretty much what I say.

I'm sure we all have times like that--when it seems our entire world is falling apart around our ears, and the temptation to reach out and take back our lives from God is overwhelming. I can do it, we think, and God'll still be helping me. Yeah, he won't really be driving, but...

God wants us to wait on him. When we're trying to take control from him, when we're stressing about all the little minutiae of our lives, we run out of strength. We get stretched past the point of endurance, until we're suddenly standing in the middle of a wrecked life and think, wait, how'd that happen? When things are at their worst, he wants us to turn and run back to him. He wants us to rest in him, to throw ourselves into his exorbitant, absolutely mad love and just stay. Be quiet. Have confidence.

His strength is enough for both of us.

Though the Fields are Dry...

"Though the fig tree should not blossom,
    nor fruit be on the vines...

...the produce of the olive fail
    and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
    and there be no herd in the stalls...

... yet I will rejoice in the Lord;

     I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

 God, the Lord, is my strength;

     he makes my feet like the deer's;

    he makes me tread on my high places."

Habakkuk 3:17-19

When I was younger, someone blessed me by showing me this beautiful verse. Ever since then I have loved to read it over and over again.

We will admit that there are times when we feel as if everything around us is dry and fading... when life seems so complicated, or when pain fills our hearts. There are the seasons of sorrow, and questions fill our mind, asking the Lord why He is allowing this to happen...

I know that there have been several of these seasons in my life recently, and through them the Lord is drawing me closer to Him. That is the blessed joy of those hard times... we come to learn that we cannot supply enough strength to press on. We are weak. We are weary. We are empty.

But the Lord is powerful. Mighty to save. Our fortress and joy.

Suffering is a tool that draws us to our knees, bringing us to the truth that we cannot do it on our own. The Lord is offering His strength, His joy, His love. All we have to do is accept it.

He will fill our hearts with His eternal joy, but only when we stop relying on ourselves, and begin to delight in who He is.

Our contentment should not be placed on things of this world, but on our holy and imperishable eternal home, where the King of glory sits upon His throne. He allows us to go throw these seasons to refocus our hearts on Him.

So, though the fields may be dry, the seasons painful, or the heart heavy, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. I will delight in who He is, in that He uses all things for my good and His glory, and in that He will give me His strength to live for Him. I will do these things through His power alone, for I know that I am sinful and will falter. But He is always there to pick me up, to shield me in His arms.

"Draw me closer to You, oh Lord... use what You know will humble me and fix my heart on You...

I will rejoice in You alone!"

Blessings,

Courage Through HIS Strength!

You are sitting in the car driving with a parent toward your local DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles).  Your heart is pumping ten times faster than its normal rate and therefore your breathing is faster as well.  When your hands lift off the steering wheel you can visibly see them shake, so you quick grab the steering wheel in a different position and then realize that you are gripping the wheel so hard, that your knuckles are white......

rita, a photo by meghannash on Flickr.

That was me December of 2008.  I had turned 18 a few months earlier and knew that it was time to get my license.  I felt comfortable with my driving, but I was nervous about the written test (What random questions would they ask and I wouldn't know them?) and the thought of driving with a police officer watching my every move was just a little (greatly) nerve wracking to me.

With all these emotions swirling around, I tried to reason with myself.  "Millions of people have taken this test and survived-this is not a life or death situation.  In the grand scheme of things, this is so small.  What is the worst that could happen?  I could fail and have to take the test again at a later date.  Not a big deal."  But my reasoning was not stopping those butterflies from square dancing in my stomach!!

If there are any kindred spirits out there, you know what I am talking about!  Being a person on the shy side, this was hard!!!

Dad and I pulled into the parking lot, parked the car and then he reached over, took my hand and prayed with me.  As he prayed, the verse Philippians 4:13 came to mind, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."  And I knew right then, that God had given me that verse to help me through the next hour.  "I can do all things through Christ" played through my mind over and over and over again like a broken record.

I knew God was in control and had a reason for anything that happened that day.  I could do anything with God's strength and that was what I clung to as I circled the answers to the questions, talked with the officer, drove with him and parked back in the parking lot.

God's promises are there for us to claim and take hold of.  His Word will not return void, but full and overflowing.

Our goal over the next two weeks will be to share with you our favorite verse(s) or verse(s) that have helped us through different times in our lives.  I don't have a favorite verse, as so many of them have rung true, brought comfort and courage, and been so special through different situations I've dealt with.  However Philippians 4:13 was truly a verse that held me above the fear that was trying to bring me down and it encouraged me to trust HIM!

Oh, and for the record, God helped me to "do all things" with flying colors.  Both the written and driving test were passed on the first try! =)  God is good!

My Answer to the Inevitable Question

I've worked so hard to answer this question without any success that I've finally put it on the backburner. For years I struggled and stressed whenever I thought, "What do I want to be when I grow up?" I took personality tests, examined lists and lists of possible careers (calculating salary, location, and opportunity for advancement),  and sought advice from loved ones. I prayed until I was tired of praying, I researched until my eyes watered. And through it all there was never an Aha! moment when my future unfolded before my eyes and everything was made clear. There was a time when I was fairly sure that I wanted to be a teacher (you can hear all about it on video 1 and 2 of my high school graduation speech, or read the transcript here), but with further knowledge that dream is slipping by the wayside, or going through some serious modifications.

So here's another question: do we have to have it all figured out? Must we know at age 15, or 17, or even 20 what we want to do with the rest of our lives, as long as the next few steps are decided? My answer is, yes and no.

Yes: It's important to plan ahead; if you don't have something of a road map then you have no idea where you're going! It pains me to see some of my friends and acquaintances drift through life without any concrete goals, just vague ambitions and hopings for the best. I don't want to be flipping burgers at McDonald's when I'm 30, I'm going to make some plans.

No: If my diligent (not to say manic) research of possible career paths has taught me nothing else, it has made me realize that there are so many possibilities! Our world is one of absolutely unlimited potential. I listen to several podcasts on a regular basis which I would recommend to anyone who doubts that it's possible to find creative work that matters and that you love: 48 Days, No More Mondays, Free Agent Underground, and Coach Radio. The hosts of these shows are inspiring, revolutionary, and are constantly giving me great ideas.

But they aren't giving me a roadmap, and that's what I think so many of us want. We want God to hand down the script from Heaven and say, "Here, my child, these are the plans I have for you." Unfortunately, that doesn't happen.

What has happened, for me at least, is that I've been given inspiration for the next few steps of my journey. I started taking CLEP and DANTES tests a few years ago to earn credits for a college degree (you can learn how I earned over 84 credit hours without stepping foot in a college here). Then I enrolled in Thomas Edison State College, a fantastic (fully-accredited) school that will accept bucket-loads of transferred credits. Now I'm on track to complete my bachelor's degree in English by November of this year. What am I going to do with that degree? It's hard to say. I've tried to study in my strengths (you'll notice I didn't major in basket-weaving or algebra), because I figure that whatever my future career looks like, it's going to involve writing, and a lot of it. I also have plans to go to Bible school for several months in England, and I'm super-excited about that!

In the end, it's all a delicate balance between two proverbs,

 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6).

"Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. (Proverbs 4:26).

What about you? Are your next steps clear?

Questioned Proposal, a photo by Eleaf on Flickr.

Wherever the Cross Takes Me...

This is Altogether Separate's fortieth post. Forty is an interesting number. It rained over all the earth for forty days and nights. God led the Israelites through the wilderness forty years.  Jesus was on the mountain forty days and nights, tempted by Satan. A child is in the womb forty weeks...

But I digress.

Now, on to our regularly scheduled post.

As children, my friends' future careers changed on almost a weekly basis. Most of them still have no idea what they're ultimately going to do with their lives, and they rub their temples as they choose a major and pray for God's guidance on the road ahead.

I was always the odd one. I career-swapped a number of times in my early school days (though always pursuing similar fields), but well before middle school my love of animals and fascination with science fused into a steadfast pursuit of veterinary medicine.

My interest and utter enthusiasm in that area never waned (and if you find yourself particularly bored today or taking a curious fascination to strangers' childhoods you can read an essay about my peculiar and nerdy one), but as I grew older I began to wonder if doctoring animals was really what God wanted me to do with my life. After all, shouldn't I dedicate my blink-of-an-eye time on earth to serving people? Was this a God-given desire, or one to test me to see how much I was willing to sacrifice to follow Him?

It was during that time I learned of veterinary missionaries—veterinarians who abandon the comfort of their former lives to practice in less fortunate regions of the world, caring for the animals the native people rely upon for food, transportation, and income; educating them to increase the longevity of their livestock and equipping local veterinarians; and often ministering to the people in more conventional ways by distributing Bibles and helping churches and teaching English.

I came to realize there are at least as many ways to serve God as there are people to serve Him, and it was entirely possible I could serve through the veterinary field. Regardless of where life took me—overseas or here at home—I would be shining the Light He put in me by enabling me to live a holy life, and I would be fulfilling a necessary occupation in the world.

And what if this isn't what God wants? What if He wants me to marry and have children instead?

I suspect there is a good chance I am called to serve as a single woman (although honestly at this point I have no idea), but if I am to serve God by serving a husband, I will gladly devote my life to ministering to him and educating my children. If the latter, the knowledge and skills acquired in my time of singleness will probably help me in the future in ways I can't conceive of.

But the important thing is that I am content with God's plan, and I will carry my cross and follow Him wherever He may lead.

[By the way, I'm pretty sure I got all the facts right in the first paragraph, but I have the horrible habit of second-guessing myself and I don't have the time to double-check right now. So if I got anything wrong please let me know. =P]

Image credit GabrielaP93 on Flickr.

A College Crossroads

It is hard when we come to crossroads in life.  All of a sudden, we find ourselves faced with making big decisions that will determine the direction of our life...

A crossroads everyone comes to sooner or later is one 7 lettered word: college.

Sometimes it is a little overwhelming to think about life after high school graduation!

crossroads, a photo by Laenulfean on Flickr.

For me, it is mainly because I have so many interests...it is hard to know what to major in.

I want to  ...write a novel  So should I focus on English?   ...help starving orphans in Africa
Do I become a teacher?  ...act in plays  Turn my attention to drama?  ...make a difference in the abortion statistics.  Be an ultra sound tech at our pregnancy center then?

These questions go back and forth in my mind like a ping-pong ball.

With crossroads like college we find ourselves meditating on exactly which path to go down.
We ask ourselves which one could be the right one?  If I do choose one, would it be a step in the wrong direction?  We naturally want answers to these questions.

Basically, the first step to planning our future is seeking God's will for our life and any dreams we may have.  After all, He knows our hearts.  Chances are if they line up with the Word, then He planted them in our hearts to start with.  We need to be asking Him what path He wants us to take, whether it be going to a university, community college or taking online courses!

I encourage you to pray about which path God wants you to take...He cares about our future!  

whatever are you going to do with your life?

I'm a senior in highschool. This brings up a lot of questions about the future, mostly from other people directed to me (not that I don't have questions myself, but I tend to not give them as much thought as other people do to the ones they give me). Top of the list are "So when are you gonna find a guy? *wink*" and "Where are you going to go to college?"

To the first, I usually just laugh and mumble something about waiting on God's timing (actually, I just can't find an old enough guy who'll have me, but I digress). To the second, I usually shock people. My answer isn't exactly the standard one, mostly because I don't jot out a name or even act properly conflicted about my future choices. In fact, by the standards of most people, I'm pretty sure about the whole thing. Except, still, they don't really like my answer.

My answer usually goes along the lines of, "I'm not going to college right off the bat, we'll see what God does, kthxbai." This, naturally, can worry some people, especially those who find it their duty to worry about other people's lives way more than said people do. Invariably, the person I'm talking acts as if I've committed some grievous error and goes out of their way to convince me that I do, in fact, need a college education.

I'm hoping there are some of you out there who can identify with this plight. We get questions, answer them honestly, and then are told (usually with a pat on the back and a little smile) that we're young and so very smart and we should totally go to college so we can get a good job. Even after one gives the most convincing arguments for why college really isn't necessary--the cost, the high unemployment rate among college graduates, the depravity that usually goes on, and the Mrs-degree-oriented Bible school atmosphere--people still carry on, usually by asking "Well then, what are you going to do with your life?"

My answer usually is, "I'm going to be a missionary with a side of political action and a healthy dose of motherhood." And here is where the real kicker comes in. With a look of confusion and an expression of pure woe, they ask, "So you're going to Bible college?"

Nope.

I'm not.

So stop asking.

Okay, so I don't actually say that. But I think it. A lot. So let me just dispel one myth before I stop talking. You don't need a degree to serve God. You don't need to spend $40,000 and four of the best years of your life to serve God. You don't need to get a fancy piece of paper and a bunch of lectures unrelated to your future life to serve God. God doesn't care about those things. When looking for someone to serve him, he doesn't look for what humanity views as the most qualified or the most learned. As the Bible says, he uses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise.

He picks a shepherd boy and a kid from the most dysfunctional family imaginable. He picks a prince-turned-slave. He picked a tax collector. He picked a temple prostitute. He used a murdering Pharisee.

Most of these people didn't have a college degree. Some of them didn't even know how to read. They were simple folk, people who had been radically changed by an Almighty God. That was all they needed, and it's all we need as well. College can be helpful, yes. It can teach you things that are necessary if you want to be a physicist or a doctor. But don't think that just because you want to serve God, you have to go to college. Because that's a lie.